


Education

by huxduxtuxlux



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Art, Awkward Children, College, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Graduate School, Hux and Techie are brothers, Hux is a bitch but hes a good brother, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Minor Angst, Multi, Night Terrors, Robots, Slow Burn, Some Crack, Techienician, alternating pov, benarmie, bullying/abuse, burberry model hux, fashion - Freeform, fashion designer hux, i write a lot about their hair, intersex techie, matt and ben are not the same person that would be pretty fucked up, more tags to come, other stuff, rey and ben are cousins, robotics geeks techie matt rey finn and poe, sculptor ben, soft, they all have such good hair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2018-08-28 14:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 33,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8449771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huxduxtuxlux/pseuds/huxduxtuxlux
Summary: Armitage Hux (24, sassy) is almost finished with his Master's in Fashion Design. Between protecting his younger brother from bullies, working on his thesis, and modeling for extra money, he really doesn't have time for some awkward, brooding sculptor called Ben.Meanwhile, Breck "Techie" Hux (lean, 19, and good with machines) is having a tough time adjusting to college. It isn't easy avoiding an abusive RA, leading the Robotics team to victory, and maintaining a high GPA, all while navigating his Biggest Crush Ever.They both have a lot to learn.





	1. One

Generally speaking, Armitage Hux did not attend team-based competitions of any sort. Sports games, debate team, acapella sing-offs, whatever. The intensity over meaningless things, the screaming and whooping and god awful school colors...it was all too much to deal with. He made an exception, though, for these Robotics competitions. They were a bit boring, and the science building basement they were held in smelled like feet, but he knew it was important to go. So go he did.

He brought his own snacks this time, convinced that the artificial butter on the concession stand popcorn made him break out. He found an aisle seat in the second row, crossed his legs carefully, and dug into his bag of almonds. The yellow team—the team he was rooting for—was setting up their bot nearby. He spotted Breck, but didn’t call out, well aware of how important it was that he concentrate. Breck chewed his lip and wiped sweat from his brow with his long yellow sleeve. He took a rubber band from his wrist and started to pull his long red hair back, when a mark on his forehead caught Hux’s eye. A long, red gash spread from just above Breck’s left right eyebrow to his hairline. It was new. It was fresh. Hux jumped up and hopped the barrier.

Breck didn’t miss the familiar click of designer boots hitting the floor. “Armie, what are you doing?!”

Hux took Breck’s chin in his hand, gently, and inspected the wound on his forehead. “When did this happen?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Who did this?”

“Would you relax? I’m fine. I...slipped, getting out of the shower.”

“Breck.”

Breck could feel the hot stares of his teammates on him. He lowered his voice. “Can we talk about this later? Please?”

“Are you okay?”

Breck batted Hux’s hand away. “I’m fine. We’ll talk later. Please go back to your seat? Please.”

Hux huffed. It hurt him to see that face, one so like his own, marred and in pain. But he couldn’t force Breck to talk when he didn’t want to. And so he nodded, turned on his heel, adjusted his scarf, and made his way back to his seat. Leaving the team for the audience seating, he heard the following exchange:

“Yo, Tech, why didn’t you tell us your brother was hot?”

“Shut up, Jeremy.”

 

Halfway through the second round, Hux was disturbed by a tall, looming presence.

“Hey, can I get past you?”

Hux looked up to see a refrigerator of a man standing in the aisle, gesturing to the empty seat beside Hux. Great. Hux hated for strangers to sit close to him, especially ones with too-long limbs who show up late. Hux made a big sigh and stood to let the man through.

They crashed down into their seats at the same time, both of them resting an arm on the rest between them. Hux glared at the man, who moved his arm with a chuckle. “Just as I expected.”

“Excuse me?” returned Hux, incredulous. Who was this asshole to have expectations of him?

“What, you don’t remember me?”

“No, should I?”

“We had Figure Drawing I and II together a few years ago. Ben Solo? We sat next to each other? You told me I held my charcoal wrong?”

“Ah, yes. That sounds vaguely familiar. Armitage Hux.” Hux flopped out a hand for a shake, not making much of an effort to be polite or friendly.

“I know,” replied the man. Hux looked him over. Yes, he was familiar, now that he thought about it. Ben was always late to class, spoke too loudly, used off-brand materials. Hux remembered being vaguely attracted to him, the first time he saw him, but then he opened his mouth and any interest was immediately replaced with disdain. “I’m surprised to see you here. I didn’t think you were into robotics. You’re in the fashion program, right?”

“Yes.”

“So...what are you doing here?”

Hux rolled his eyes. Sometimes he couldn’t believe the stupidity of others. How could Ben not realize he had zero interest in conversing with him?

“My brother is on the yellow team. I attend for moral support.”

“Oh? Which one is your brother?”

“Certainly not the ginger with a face just like mine.”

“Oh.”

“What are  _ you _ doing here? I assume you’re in the arts, if we had Drawing together.”

“My cousin’s on the team. The one with all the hair buns.”

“Mm.”

For a moment Ben seemed to discouraged enough to stop talking, but his silence didn’t last long. “I like your scarf, where did you get it?”

Hux snorted. “It’s obviously an iconic Burberry.”

“I don’t know much about fashion, sorry. It looks expensive.”

“It is.”

“I didn’t know you were wealthy.”

“ _ I  _ didn’t know you existed.”

Ben’s mouth flew shut. He turned toward the competition floor and fixed his eyes on a flag. Well fuck. He was  _ sad _ . Christ. This was Hux’s biggest problem—he felt guilt too easily. He wanted so badly to be a cold bastard. He wanted Ben to shut up, and now he had. He should be thrilled. But he felt bad.

“I’m not wealthy...yet.” Hux began, and Ben’s eyes snapped towards him. “The scarf was a souvenir from a shoot I did. I do some modeling, to make money for school. And for networking. Sometimes I get to keep the items.”

“Well, uh. It looks nice on you.”

Oh for the love of God.  _ This is what I get for trying to be nice, _ thought Hux.  _ Some weirdo hitting on me. _

“I have a girlfriend,” lied Hux.

Ben’s eyes fixed on the flag once again. After a few moments of silence, he rose and mumbled, “hafta go to the bathroom.”

  
Ben did not return.


	2. Two

Techie’s team won, but his celebration was cut short when his older brother raced towards him, demanding answers.

“Breck, you have to tell me what happened.” Armie pulled him into the handicapped bathroom and started dabbing a wet paper towel on the wound. Techie winced, but Armie insisted he let him clean it. “Can’t have it getting infected like the last one.”

“It’s not a big deal, I just got into a sort of fight last night. It’s fine.” Techie lied.

“A fight. You don’t get into fights. Who attacked you?”

“God, don’t say  _ attacked _ , it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like?”

“I…I didn’t want to help this girl on my floor hack into the online gradebook. She wasn’t so happy about me saying no.”

“Oh, Breck.”

“I’m fine, it doesn’t hurt very much.”

“It might scar.”

“I’m fine.”

“Who was it?”

“It doesn’t matter, Armie.”

“Tell me who.”

Techie twisted at the hem of his shirt, stalling. Finally, he whispered, “Marla Mattson.”

“Was it her who gave you the black eye last month?”

Techie just nodded. It was embarrassing, getting pushed around by some girl. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“What have you been telling people?”

“Fell off my skateboard, slipped in the shower, that kind of stuff.”

“And she wants you to do tech stuff for her?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Have you told your RA?”

“Armie.” Techie took a deep breath and rubbed at his eye. “Marla  _ is _ the RA.”

 

Armie accompanied Techie back to his dorm to help him pack a bag. “You can stay in my apartment until we get this figured out.”

A bag turned into two backpacks, his laptop bag, and a box of books. Carrying them to the elevator, Techie could hardly see where he was going, and bumped right into a something hard and warm.

“Ah, sorry, I—” looking up, Techie froze when he saw who he’d bumped into. The shaggy blond hair, the big glasses, the crooked smile. He’d know him anywhere.  “Matt! Hi!”

Matt ran a hand through his hair awkwardly. “Hey, good job today. That last routine really saved us.”

“Thanks, I think it was the tools you and Finn built though that really got us the win.”

“What’s uh, what’s with the boxes? Leaving the wonderful world of Harris 4?”

“No, uh, just staying with my brother for the weekend because, uh—” Techie looked to Armie for help. He was never good at lying on his feet.

“I’m going out of town.” Armie butt in. “And Breck’s going to cat sit for me.”

“Oh. Uh, will you still be able to come to Poe’s party tomorrow?” asked Matt.

“I dunno, I didn’t think he really wanted me to...I don’t know.” Techie mumbled.

“Of course he wants you there. It’s for the whole team.” Matt placed a hand on Techie’s shoulder and shook it playfully. Techie flushed bright red. “You’re part of the team, Tech.”

“Yeah, I...I’ll try.”

Matt nodded and smiled. “I hope you’ll be there.”

“Uh, yeah, I, you too, we’ll see, uh, um...” Techie continued mumbling nonsense as he walked into the open elevator, and did not cease until the doors closed.

Armie took the box from his brother and raised a brow. “What’s the story there?”

“Story?!” Techie exclaimed. “There’s no story!”

“He’s cute.”

Techie stared at his shoes.

“He was flirting with you, y’know,” said Armie. “Poorly, awkwardly, of course, but he was definitely flirting.”

“Nuh-uh.”

Armie noticed Techie biting back a smile. He elbowed him gently. “Soon as we get home, we’re putting together your party look.”

“I’m not going to the party, I’m not good at parties.”

“Matt wants you there,” Armie sing-songed.

Techie huffed. Clearly, Armie wasn’t going to let this go. “Will you let me borrow something nice?”

“Of course, my dear! Of course.”

 


	3. Three

As they loaded Breck’s items into Hux’s car, a chime reminder sounded from Hux’s pocket.

“Ah, shit,” said Hux, looking at the calendar on his phone. “I totally forgot I have a meeting with my adviser. Mind taking a detour with me to the Fine Arts center?”

The brothers climbed into the car and buckled up for safety. “No, I don’t mind,” Breck said. 

 

Breck chose to wait in the car, so Hux made his way into the modern glass-walled building on his own. When he knocked on his adviser’s door, he was greeted by someone else: Phasma, a fellow Fashion student and Professor Aldrich’s assistant. Tall, powerful, brilliant, and with a death glare to rival the worst, the blond powerhouse never failed to impress Hux. She was pretty much the closest thing Hux had to a friend, but they weren’t terribly close.

“Hey Phas, where’s Aldrich?” Hux asked, peering into the empty office.

“He’s not in, but he wanted me to give you this.” She handed him a note, and he noticed for the millionth time how her hands dwarfed his. He opened it. As he read, his scowl grew.

 

_ Dear Armitage, _

_ Your achievements as the top student in the Fashion Design program have brought you a fantastic opportunity: The supreme benefactor of the Fine Arts program has requested your assistance in an interdepartmental project. You would be working with students from Studio Art, Dance, Theater, and Music to display the best our program has to offer. Specifically, I’ve been told you will paired with a grad student from the sculpting program to create a mini-exhibit. The benefactor, Dr. Snoke, has requested you meet with him now in room 311. While this project is technically optional, I highly encourage you take it. Not only will it give you great exposure, it comes with a 5,000 dollar stipend. Please email me after your meeting if you have any questions. I’m out for the weekend, but would happy to meet with you on Monday. _

_ Best, _

_ Dr. Aldrich _

 

“Fuck,” said Hux.

“Yup.” Phasma nodded.

“Did you read this?”

“Uh-huh.”

“As if I’m not busy enough already!”

Hux didn’t say goodbye or thanks to Phasma. He spun on his heel and stalked over to the stairs, which he climbed slowly and reluctantly, to the third floor. He straightened his shirt, adjusted his tie, and walked into the room, eyes fixed ahead.

“Ah! Mr. Hux, I presume!” A very old, very wrinkly man called from the front of the room. He was bald with nearly gray skin, and he hunched forward on a stool, facing a young man who stood in front of him. Hux approached and stood beside the young man, not bothering to look at him. He was here to speak to Snoke, not some Studio Art scrub. Snoke, however, gestured to the other man, suggesting he take a look. “Do you know Ben Solo?”

Well, fuck.

“Yes, we had a class together in undergrad.”

“Two, actually,” muttered Ben.

“Excellent!” Snoke clapped decrepit hands together weakly. “Introductions take up so much time. Now we can just dive in! Basically, I want you to create…”

Hux only half-listened to Snoke’s idea. He was too baffled by this huge cosmic fuck in the ass the universe had issued upon him. This guy? Of all people? Clumsy, incompetent, and a terrible flirt—did Hux really have to waste his precious time working with this loser?

“...I expect you two to be in conversation with one another about potential directions for the project. I want to see you both again next week, proposal and preliminary sketches in hand. Then we can talk logistics and budget. This time next week alright?”

“Yes, sir,” answered Ben, head bowed in respect. What a suck up.

“Sure,” answered Hux, nonchalant as he could manage.

“Wonderful. You are dismissed.”

Hux made his way to the door as quickly as possible, but Ben was hot on his heels. In the hallway, Ben stopped him. “Hey, are you free tonight to talk about the project?”

“No,” replied Hux, “I have a date.”

“A date?”

“Yes.”

“With your girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“What’s her name?”

Hux glanced around the art commons frantically, searching for inspiration. Fern? Water Bottle?  “Evian.” Ben quirked an eyebrow in disbelief. Hux’s nostrils flared. “She’s French.”

Ben adjusted the backpack slung on his shoulder. “Look, you clearly don’t like me. I didn’t do anything to you, so I don’t deserve it, but whatever. You don’t like me, it is what it is. But don’t lie to me. If we’re going to work on this project together—”

“And who said I was going to do it?” Hux interrupted. “I don’t know that I’m willing to spend my precious time with the likes of you, doing a project I don’t care for. I’m still considering it.”

Ben stepped forward, into Hux’s space. “You’re going to do it.”

Hux scoffed. “Oh, is that so?”

“Of course. Five thousand dollars, man, you’re not gonna say no to that.”

“I have other means of income.”

“Plus, how’s it going to look if you turn it down? Offered this great opportunity, but you’ve got a tough time working with others. Not much of a team player. Reluctant to collaborate. Pissy. Who’s gonna hire you after school?”

“What is this, blackmail? You’re going to tell everyone I’m no good at sharing?”

“No, I don’t have to say anything. You turn this down, and that’s what people are gonna think. There’s no reason good enough to justify turning down a commission from Alfred Snoke. You’ll end your career before you even have one.”

Hux realized he was tapping his foot at an alarming pace. Shit. This giant potato sack of a man was right. 

“So?” Prodded Ben. “Tonight around six?”

“I actually  _ am _ busy tonight.”

“With Evian?” Ben laughed.

Hux decided not to dignify that with an answer. “How about Monday at noon?”

Ben smiled and gave a nod. Hux cursed the universe.

 

Back at Hux’s apartment, Breck curled up on the couch with Hux’s cat, Millie, trying to calm his shaking nerves.

“It’s just a party, Breck, it’ll be fine.” Hux was saying as he prepared dinner. “You go, you have a drink, you make small talk, you go home. Easy.”

“Small talk is hard. So is big talk. All talk is hard.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“Did you not hear me talking to Matt? I sounded like a broken...I don’t know, something broken that talks!” 

Hux chuckled softly. Hux himself could be awkward, but Breck was on another level. Sometimes he seemed like a martian.

“You really like him, huh?” Hux asked, already knowing the answer. But he was excited to talk with his brother about such things--Breck had always seemed completely uninterested in romance and sex and all the exciting things that came with it. 

“I dunno…It’s hard to tell.”

“Well, you feel flustered around him.”

“I feel flustered around everyone.” Breck said matter-of-factly.

“Do you think he’s good-looking?”

“Yeah, but not, like, especially so.”

“Do you want to spend time with him?”

“Yeah, we like all the same stuff. He’s really smart.”

“And do you ever think of him, y’know, in a certain way?”

“What way?”

“Breck.”

“Armie.”

“Are you gonna make me say it? You’re going to get weird about it if you make me say it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!"

“God, you’re like a six year old sometimes. Do you think about him in the context of sex?”

“Armie!”

“I told you you were going to get weird about it!”

“Because that’s a very personal question!”

“Your exaggerated response indicates yes.”

Breck sighed and buried his face in Millie’s fur, trying to hide the giant red flush growing across it. “It’s all very confusing.” Breck’s voice came muffled through the fur.

“Been there, kiddo,” Hux sighed, chopping the peppers for the stir-fry. “Been there.”

 


	4. Four

“See, this is why you need to use conditioner on a regular basis!” Armie said, watching Techie admire his shiny, freshly washed hair in the mirror. Armie’s conditioner was expensive and smelled like mint tea—it worked wonders on Techie’s long hair.

“Is it too nice, though? I mean, I don’t want to look like I’m trying to hard.” 

Armie skillfully rolled the cuffs of the shirt he lent Techie. “There’s never anything wrong with trying.”

Armie had dressed his brother in dark skinny jeans, rarely-worn black leather sneakers, and a green and blue plaid Calvin Klein button up that made Techie’s eyes pop. Armie put a bit of make up over Techie’s gash and pushed his hair behind his ears. 

“I wish your ears were pierced.” Armie sighed. “You could use a little sparkle.”

“Your ears aren’t pierced.”

“It doesn’t fit my aesthetic.”

“And it fits mine?”

“It could. Yours is still in development.” Millie rubbed up against Techie’s leg and Armie scooped her up into his arms quickly. “Millie, no, Breck needs to stay cat-hair free. That Matt looks like the allergic type. Can’t have him sneezing when he gets too close.”

“Shut up,” Techie said. “I don’t even know if he likes boys.”

“He likes  _ you _ ,” Armie stated with confidence. “I’d bet you a million dollars.”

Techie bit back a smile. “No deal.”

 

Techie tried to insist on walking to the party, but Armie wouldn’t have it. “This Marla and her gang of youths could be anywhere, Breck, anywhere!” This was the reason Armie gave for insisting on driving Techie to the party, but Techie suspected his brother just didn’t want his shoes dirtied.

When they pulled up in front of the Victorian shared by Poe Dameron and five other students, Techie was a mess. Armie placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey. Listen. It’s going to be fine. It’s just some people hanging out in a house. Nothing more, ok?”

“Ok.”

“You can text me whenever you want to go home, okay, and I’ll be in here in less than five minutes.”

“Ok.”

“You look great.”

“Ok.”

“Just like your hot brother.”

“Ok, stop.”

Behind them, someone honked. Armie flipped them off in the rearview mirror but shifted into drive. “Go, my child. Godspeed.”

The brothers exchanged a salute, and Techie made his way to the front door.

 

It was a good thing Armie had rolled up the sleeves, otherwise Techie would chewed a hole in them by now. He slipped into the front door—no one greeted him. He snaked his way to the kitchen, looking at all the faces he didn’t know. Poe had said the party was for the Robotics team…so who were all these strangers?

Techie was halfway to a heart attack thinking he walked into the wrong house when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, buddy, you made it!” Poe Dameron’s winning smile brightened up the shadowy kitchen. “Look at you, cleaned up all nice.” He held out a beer to Techie. 

“Oh, uh, I’m only 19.”

“No cops here, Techie,” laughed Finn, Poe’s boyfriend and another teammate. Techie laughed nervously and took the can. He brought it to his lips and faked a sip. His hands made a weak thumbs up.

“Where’s the rest of the team?” Techie asked, looking around at the mob of strangers.

Finn raised an eyebrow and smiled. “You mean where’s Matt?”

“What?! No, I—”

“Relax, buddy,” Poe chuckled and gave Finn a playful whack on the arm. “He’s just messing with ya. Rey, Jess, and Matt are downstairs playing Xbox. Jeremy’s throwing up upstairs.”

“Yikes,” said Techie. It was only 8:15. “I mean, sorry, I—”

Finn and Poe just smiled and walked Techie towards the basement stairs. “Go on down and play, Techie, you’ll be more in your element down there.”

 

Techie was relieved to find the basement game room spacious and sparsely populated, but his palms got pretty sweaty at the sight of Matt. He was perched on the left armrest of the ratty couch, controller in hand, Pavement t-shirt clinging nicely to his substantial torso. Techie gulped and took the empty space on the opposite end of the couch. Matt didn’t seem to notice.

“Techie, hey!” Jess exclaimed. She was watching Matt and Rey play, and acting as the keeper of the popcorn bowl. She offered it to Techie, who shook his head no. “We didn’t think you would make it.”

“We’re glad you’re here!” Rey said, not taking her eyes off the TV. “Fuck! Where did that zombie come from?”

“You gotta pay attention, Rey!” yelled Matt.

Jess cleared her throat. “Matt, Techie’s here.”

“No thanks, I’m good,” Matt answered, so absorbed in the game he didn’t even hear what Jess said. Rey snorted and moved her avatar directly into harm’s way. The round ended. Matt swore.

“What’d you do that for?!”

“You’re being rude, Matt,” scolded Rey. “Techie is here. You can at least say hello.”

Matt looked at Techie as though he had appeared out of thin air. He pushed his flop of blond of curls back and shook his head. “Oh, hi, sorry, man, I didn’t see you, I was so into the ga—.”

Techie’s voice was quiet. “S’ok.”

“You look, uh...your hair, is...I like your shoes.”

Techie smiled. “Thanks. They’re my brother’s.”

“Cool, uh,” Matt reached behind him and produced a bottle. “You want a beer?”

Techie raised the can he was very clearly holding. “I have one, but thanks.”

“Oh. Right.”

Suddenly, Rey shuffled and stumbled to her feet. Up the stairs she called, “Finn? You need me?” She pulled Jess up by the hand and said, “Did you hear Finn just call me? Let’s go upstairs, he probably needs help with...something!”

And with that, the girls were gone. Techie folded his long legs under himself and picked at his fingernails. Matt looked at the frozen screen.

“I don’t think anyone called for her,” said Matt.

“Me neither.”

Matt leaned to one side and slid off the armrest, onto the couch cushion. “I think they left us alone together on purpose.”

Techie’s eyes flicked up from under his protective curtain of red hair. He saw a look of distress on Matt’s face. Techie bit his lip and returned his attention to his nails.

“Finn was saying, before you got here,” Matt went on, looking at Techie, now, “he was saying that he thought that maybe—”

“Forgot my phone!” Jess barreled down the stairs. She found it on the end table next to the couch, and looked at Matt and Techie, disappointed. “Why aren’t you kissing yet?”

Matt turned bright red and Techie felt his own skin flush hot. “She’s drunk, she’s just drunk she’s talking nonsense…”

Jess stood at the foot of the stairs and shouted up to where, Techie assumed, the rest of the Robotics team stood with their ears pressed against the door. “Nothing yet, you guys. Time to implement Plan B!”

 

Techie was afraid Plan B would be Spin the Bottle or 7 Minutes in Heaven, or any of those other scary middle school party games he’d only seen in TV shows. Instead, Plan B was a horror movie. Jess and Rey wedged tight into one end of the couch, pushing Techie into Matt. Matt brought up his arm to make room for Techie, resting it on the back of the couch. Whether he liked it or not, Techie was tucked under Matt’s arm cozily. Rey and Jess exchanged a conspiratorial glance.

Jeremy had been dragged home, vomiting, by his roommate, and the other party people were friends of Poe’s housemate, apparently, so he had no problem abandoning them for the movie. Finn and Poe cuddled on the big LoveSac adjacent to the entertainment center, as if modeling a how-to for Matt and Techie. The movie,  _ Paranormal Conjuring Board 3-D,  _ began, and from the first scare, Plan B become very apparent.

Everyone jumped, and Matt’s arm came down tight around Techie, grabbing him for comfort. Once he’d calmed, Matt took his arm back and scooted away (not that there was really anywhere to scoot to), muttering an apology.

The fourth time Matt grabbed Techie in fright, Techie responded in kind. The scene on the screen was truly grotesque, and Techie found himself with his head burrowed between Matt’s armpit and chest. Matt squeezed Techie around the shoulders. Techie smiled at the warmth. 

“They’ve forced us into a triple date,” Matt whispered, his hold still tight on Techie.

“Evil geniuses.” Techie laughed. Matt did, too, the vibrations loud in Techie’s ear, which was pressed to Matt’s chest. 

“Your hair smells really good. Like...Christmas?”

Techie laughed again. It was nice to know that he wasn’t the only one who had some trouble speaking now and then. He pulled back from Matt, whose face went white with fear, thinking he’d done something wrong. But no, Techie was just readjusting—and he wanted a look at Matt’s face. Techie crawled over Matt to his other side, pushed him over, and settled half in Matt’s lap, their heads level, his arm looped around Matt’s neck. “This is more comfortable for me. Is it more comfortable for you?” he asked timidly, nuzzling his soft hair against Matt’s jaw. Matt shuddered, a good shudder—it tickled.

“Yeah,” Matt whispered, and his breath was wet and hot against Techie’s ear. Techie felt himself flush, then crossed his legs and shifted slightly. 

“G-good,” said Techie, looking into Matt’s eyes, holding his gaze, for the first time, really. They were big and wet, like brown cow’s eyes, surrounded by thick black lashes, a surprising contrast to his fine blond hair. Matt smiled, the tops of cheeks coming up under his glasses. Techie smiled, too. He wanted to kiss him. So, so bad.

Not yet, he told himself, returning his gaze to the movie. Not yet.


	5. Five

Of course Hux was going to leave. He wasn’t going to just hang around the house party until Breck wanted to go home. No, Breck had promised Hux he’d text when he was finished, so Hux would go home, work on some sketches, maybe order Thai food. But it couldn’t hurt to hang around for a moment. Just in case. Hux found a nearby bench and lit a cigarette.

A deep, familiar voice startled him. “Wow, didn’t take you for a smoker.” 

Fuck, really?

“What the fuck are you doing here, Ben? Are you stalking me now?”

Ben shrugged. “Cosmic coincidence.”

Hux took a long drag. “That’s not a suspicious answer at all.”

“I was just dropping off my cousin. Where’s Miss Evian?”

“Hardy har har, Ben, you caught me in a lie. Great sleuthing.”

“Yeah, well, you’re a  _ great _ liar.”

Hux exhaled, watching the smoke curl up and away. “What do you want, Ben?”

“Well, I mean, I’m here and you’re here. Why not talk about the project now?”

“Because I have better things to do.”

“Like worry about your brother and fill your lungs with cancer?”

“Yes.”

Ben launched into his ideas without invitation. He might’ve been talking for years for all Hux knew. He tuned him out—instead of listening to the inane babblings of this brooding manchild, Hux decided to focus on Ben’s good qualities. He spied a very firm stomach beneath his ratty t-shirt—a six...no, an eight pack? Nice arms, thick, dusted with dark moles and fine black hair. Even his face wasn’t so bad—his features were a bit out of proportion, nose and ears too big for his face, but Hux found these imperfections oddly charming. He quite liked all the dark little moles and freckles on the alabaster skin, and while he had no interest in what was coming out of Ben’s mouth, it sure was nice to look at.

“Hux? Are you even listening to m—”

Ben was cut off by Hux launching an attack on his face. Ben couldn’t be mad, of course—he had a goddamn Burberry model practically in his lap. Ben eagerly returned Hux’s kisses, and Hux could feel regret coming over him like a hot flash. Yeah, he got Ben to shut up, quite the achievement. But _Ben Solo?_ Although, it had been a while since Hux had sex, or any contact of this sort, really. And he wasn’t so bad, Ben, really, when he thought about it. And he sure felt nice, lips soft and dexterous, body hard and warm… 

Hux hadn’t spent an hour just making out with anyone since high school. It was nice, treating it as its own event rather than as a warm-up for sex. It made him feel young. Excited. And while Ben was not his  _ ideal _ partner… oh, who was he kidding? Ben was everything Hux  _ wanted _ to hate, and an attraction to him defied all logic, but Hux couldn’t deny the truth. He was into Ben. When Ben wasn’t talking, that is.

_ Really _ into him.

  
  


“Armie?” Hux startled at Breck’s voice. Hux broke away and wiped his mouth. Breck was walking towards him with Matt. Hux was thrilled to see Breck’s success, but mortified to be seen with...this.

“Breck, hi, uh—”

“What are you doing here? I thought you were gonna...be in Florida?”

“Well I was but—”

“Who’s that?” Breck pointed at Ben, who was in a daze, pupils blown wide. 

“Um, well, this is Ben, he—”

Matt interrupted. “That’s Rey’s cool cousin! Dude, your sculptures are so cool!”

Hux was disgusted by Ben’s smug face. “Thanks, kid.” He turned his attention to Breck, who looked as though he was trying to put together a puzzle. “And you must be Hux’s brother. Tell me, young friend, what are his darkest secrets?”

“Nope!” Hux rose and reached for Breck. “Let’s get going, Breck, I have to feed Millicent and—”

“Well actually, uh,” Breck stuttered and looked at his shoes. “I, um, was gonna go hang out with Matt, for a while.”  

“Oh.” Hux blinked hard. He didn’t expect things to progress so quickly. They hadn’t even had The Talk yet. “That’s...great. Okay. Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Hux pulled Breck aside and whispered urgently. “Please be careful. Go slow. You don’t want anything to tear. Here,” Hux fished in his coat for his wallet and pulled out a few condoms. “You know how to use these, right? Watch a YouTube tutorial. DO NOT OPEN IT WITH YOUR TEETH. Ok, um… safewords are a good idea, always change the condom when you change the hole. I mean, like, if it’s in your ass, you better rewrap before sucking on it, you know? And, um—”

“Armitage! Jesus Christ, stop!” Breck was paler than usual. “I know this stuff, I’m not 12, ok?”

“You do spend a  _ lot _ of time on the internet…”

“And I’m not going to have sex with him _tonight_! We haven't even kissed yet!”

“My darling brother, you're so pure." Hux shook his head. "Listen, just...you never know how you’re gonna feel in the moment, Breck. Just take them.” Hux forced the condoms into Breck’s pocket. “Ok. Well. Call me if you need anything or if you want me to pick you up, okay?”

“Matt said he’d drive me home.”

“Has he been drinking?”

“He had one beer. I’m going to go now…and you’re going to tell me about  _ that _ ,” Breck gestured to Ben, who was manspreading like crazy on the bench, “when I get home.”

Breck walked back towards Matt and pulled him away from the bizarre scene at the bench. After them, Hux called, “Make smart choices!” 

No response came, of course, and Hux flopped down onto the bench. Ben chuckled and rubbed Hux’s shoulder, who shrugged him off. “Must be hard being a 24 year old mother.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“Wanna go back to my place?”

Hux stared at Ben with a disdain that melted into lust. “I have to feed my cat.” Hux sighed. “Let’s go to mine.”


	6. Six

The walk back to Matt’s room was long and awkward. It didn’t help Techie’s nerves that they were heading back to his own floor—where Marla reigned.

“So your brother didn’t go out of town.” Matt said.

“No.”

“So why are you staying with him?”

Techie tried to think of a good lie, but came up empty. All he could think to do was shrug.

“Does it have to do with what happened to your head?”

Techie’s eyes felt hot. His voice was hardly a squeak. “I tried to cover it up.”

“Yeah, you did a good job! I can hardly see it tonight. But yesterday…what happened, Tech?”

“I bumped it on the corner of my desk, is all. I’m fine.”

“Techie…”

“Matt. Please? I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Ok. Ok, I’m sorry.” They walked on in silence for a while, past the frisbee players on the quad, before Matt said, “I’m really happy you came tonight. I really didn’t think you would.”

“Me neither. I don’t like parties. My brother made me go.”

“Oh.”

“But I’m glad he did.”

Matt and Techie’s bashful smiles nearly matched. They walked on, drifting closer together, arms swinging at their sides. Matt nudged Techie’s fingers with his own. “Can I?” Matt choked out.

Techie nodded and Matt tangled their fingers together. Relief washed over Techie when he realized Matt’s hand was just as sweaty as his own.

Matt began to whistle as they walked, but had trouble sustaining the O-shape of his mouth—  he was smiling too much.

 

No sightings of Marla, thankfully, Techie thought as they entered Matt’s room. It felt entirely strange and foreign, which was strange, considering Techie’s own identical room was just four doors down.

“I, uh, only have one controller,” Matt gestured to his game console regretfully. “I don’t usually have someone to play with. It’s too bad because I just got the new GT—”

“It’s okay, Matt,” Techie sat on the edge of Matt’s twin bed and carefully untied his shoes. “I’m not really very good at video games, anyway.”

“Really?” Matt sat down beside him, leaving a generous half-foot of mattress between them. “You’re so good at computer stuff, I figured you’d be a big gamer.”

“I like, like, strategy games. Or virtual reality games, like Sims. But I’m no good at the first-person shooter types. I think I’m just too squeamish.”  

“That’s fair, that’s fair.” Matt nodded a little too vigorously, curls bouncing out of control. Techie couldn’t help but smile—it was pretty damn cute. “So, um, what do you wanna do?”

“I dunno, what do you wanna do?”

“Netflix?”

“Ok.”

Matt reached into his top drawer and pulled out…well, Techie wasn’t sure what, at first. As Matt began to set it up, standing on his desk chair and attaching it to some contraband ceiling hooks, Techie put it together. Matt had Macgyvered an iPad holder out of what looked like coat hangers and garter belts. It hung from the ceiling, the screen right at eye-level, tilted upward ever so slightly. 

“Coooool,” said Techie, admiring the ingenuity. He knew Matt was good at tools in gadgets when it came to Robotics, but it was pretty awesome to see him use those skills in real life.

“I kept laying down and holding the iPad and dropping it on my face. Had to figure out something.” Matt scooted up near his pillows and adjusted them before laying down against the wall. “It, uh…the screen looks better if you lay down.”

“Oh.” Techie cautiously scooted up beside Matt. Yeah, and he had just been in his lap a half hour earlier, but this felt different. They were  _ alone _ . In a  _ bed _ . A very small bed. Techie wanted to cuddle close to Matt, but he didn’t want things to move too fast. He didn’t want to…give Matt the wrong idea.

They found a movie they had both been meaning to see, but Matt was a talker, and soon the plot was lost on them. They rolled onto their sides, facing each other, Matt telling Techie about the device he had designed over the summer.

“It didn’t turn out exactly like I’d planned, because I totally miscalculated how much—” Matt suddenly froze as if he were having the most important epiphany of his life. “Wow, your eyes are like,  _ really _ blue.”

“Oh, uh—”

“But one is way bluer than the other.”

“You really just say whatever you’re thinking, don’t you?”

“Yeah. Sorry. Does it bother you?”

“No.”

“Will you tell me why your eyes are different colors?”

Techie sighed. “One isn’t real. The left one. They can only match the color so much…”   

“Oh. Uh, that’s, uh, cool, um.”

“I know it’s weird. Kind of freaky.”

“No, it’s interesting. I don’t think I know anyone with a fake eye. Um…does it come out?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I see?”

“No way.”

“Why not?”

“It’s pretty gross. You’ll…no. No one has ever seen me without it in but my parents and my brother.”

“You don’t trust me, huh?” It wasn’t an accusation, just a question.

Techie hesitated. “I mean…no, not really. I don’t… I don’t know you very well. And you don’t know me very well. I like you, but…I don’t really trust anyone, really, except Armie and my mom, maybe.”

Matt smiled softly and nodded. “That’s fair. I guess I don’t really trust anyone, either.”

“I don’t like the way people talk about trust. Like you should just trust everyone unless they do something really bad, and if you don’t trust decent people,  _ you’re _ doing something bad. I think that’s ridiculous. Why should I trust a stranger just because they haven’t done anything to me?”

“Yeah, you’re right. People talk about it like trust is automatic, like everyone starts out trusting each other, and it’s something people  _ lose.  _ But that’s dumb. It’s something people should earn. Prove that they’re worthy of it. Right?”

Techie grinned. It was a rare thing that someone understood how he felt so soon. “Exactly. Right.”

Matt blinked serenely. “You’re really pretty when you smile, Techie.”

Techie buried his face in the pillow to hide his super-blush. Matt touched Techie’s shoulder gently. “I’m sorry, Tech. Is it the word? I guess I know some guys don’t like the word ‘pretty,’ I’m sorry, I—”

“No,” Techie’s voice came muffled from the pillow. “I like it.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

Techie rolled back and freed his face. The air felt especially cool on it. He brushed his hair back from his face. “Nothing’s wrong, I just…I’m not used to hearing things like that. It’s…weird.” He witnessed Matt’s face fall and quickly added, “Not bad weird! Nice weird. Really really nice weird. Just…different.”

Matt tentatively stroked his fingers through Techie’s long hair. “It’s so much softer than I expected.”

Techie chuckled. “It’s not as greasy as it is normally.”

“It always looks nice.”

They gazed at each other for a moment, Matt twirling the fine red silk around his fingers. Techie watched him—how his eyes shifted behind his glasses, how the corners of his lips twitched with miniature smiles. He admired the strong nose, the golden brown stubble along his jaw, the big black dot just to the left of his nose. In an act of immense courage, Techie brought his fingers up to feather against Matt’s hair, feeling the soft coil of his ringlets. Matt’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Matt?” Techie whispered.

“Mm?” Matt asked sleepily.  

“I think you’re pretty, too.”

Matt smiled and nudged Techie’s chin with the top of his head in unspoken thanks.

“Hey, Matt?” Techie asked again, even quieter.

“Yeah, Tech?”

“Can I take your glasses off?”

Matt’s chest heaved in an inward laugh. He propped himself up just enough to give Techie access to both sides of his head. Techie reached out with the careful fingers of a surgeon, sliding the pads of his middle fingers against the gold stems of Matt’s glasses. He pulled ever so gently, and they slid off Matt’s nose, into Techie’s hands. Delicately, he folded them and put them on the nightstand.

“Your eyes are like, really brown.” Techie said, mimicking the low, short tone Matt spoke in. Matt laughed aloud, big enough that he could use the movement as an excuse to scoot his body closer to Techie’s. He moved his hand from Techie’s hair to the dip of his waist. 

“Is that why you wanted my glasses off.”

“No,” Techie said, stomach all knotted, _ good knots _ , he told himself,  _ knots that will untie themselves when you do what you want to do _ . “I took them off so I could…um…”

Techie angled his lips towards Matt’s and let a tiny breath escape. Matt responded well, making things a bit easier on Techie. Their lips met, soft but eager. Their lips parted, inviting. Techie thought Matt tasted vaguely of some fancy truffle fries he had at a hotel once—mild, smooth, but not exactly sweet. It was mere seconds before Techie’s arms were around Matt’s neck, tangled in his hair, and Matt had a firm grip the small of Techie’s back, pulling him against him. Their tongues met. The kissed on. Techie’s leg hooked around Matt’s hip. They were smashed together, suffocating, and it was the best feeling in the world. 5, then 10, then 15, then 20. Minutes. Ticking by as they clung to one another, breathing each other in. It was hot. Techie pulled away for a moment to unbutton his borrowed shirt—he discarded it, straightened the gray t-shirt he wore underneath, and leapt back into Matt’s arms. Matt’s own shirt came off, revealing a bare, muscled chest that made Techie gulp. Holy fuck was he something to look at. As they dove back in, Matt began fingering the hem of Techie’s t-shirt, but Techie pushed the large hand away. Matt didn’t push it. 30 minutes, then 40. Finally, Matt broke away.

“I’m really sorry but I really need water,” he panted, grinning from ear to ear. His lips were swollen and Techie wanted nothing more than to suck on them again. But he, too, was thirsty.

Matt rose and walked to his mini fridge, where he procured two bottles of Evian. He tossed one to Techie, who caught it clumsily, but only after it bounced off his knee. They shared a laugh. Matt returned to the bed, and the two sat up together and took slow sips, looking at each other shyly from under their lashes, bumping shoulders deliberately, until Matt put his arm around Techie’s shoulders. 

“Just let me know when you’re ready for round two,” Matt said with a smile. 

Techie didn’t return it. He was so conflicted. Round two must mean  _ more _ , right? And not more of the same. Techie would love to kiss, clothed, through the night, but he knew Matt must want more. And he wasn’t ready for that. “I actually should probably head home soon.”

“Oh.” Matt reached for his discarded shirt and pulled it back over his head. “Ok, um…” he got up and began searching for his car keys. He looked pitiful.

“I can call my brother, Matt, it’s no problem.”

“No, no I don’t mind driving you. I said I would. Here,” Matt found Techie’s plaid button up and tossed it to him. It felt a little…aggressive.

“Don’t act mad.” Techie whispered.

“I’m not mad.”

“You seem mad.”

“I’m…I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at me. Obviously I did something to screw this up, like usual, and—”

“Matt.” Techie scrambled to where Matt was standing, near the door. He kissed him softly. He smiled. “You didn’t do anything wrong. This was great. Like really, unbelievably great.”

Matt spoke so low Techie barely heard him. “Then why do you want to leave already?”

“I just…I need to take things slow. I know no one wants to hear that, and I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me again, but I have to go slow. I have to.”

Matt nodded. “Because of the trust thing?”

“Because of a lot of things.”

Matt nodded quickly, curls bouncing yet again. “I want to see you again. I’m okay with slow.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s gonna feel glacial sometimes.”

Matt snorted. “I can deal with that.” He grabbed his glasses from the nightstand and put them on. Techie finished buttoning up his shirt, and Matt reached into the closet for a coat, which he put on. He looked at Techie, then outside, where a tiny dusting of white was falling from the sky. “You don’t have a jacket, do you?”

“No, but this is nothing, can’t be colder than 30 deg—”

“Here,” Matt held out a jacket to Techie. A letterman’s jacket. Techie didn’t even know Matt played sports, but with that body, he should’ve guessed. Techie smiled and put it on.

“A letter jacket. How cliche. Next thing you’ll give me your pin, or your class ring.”

“I know, it’s pretty high school.”

“Well,” Techie flipped his hair out from under the collar, “I didn’t do much of anything in high school, so better late than never?”

Matt adjusted the front of the jacket Techie wore, smoothing it and making sure it would keep him warm enough. They smiled at each other, lingering too long in their stares, till finally Matt coughed and reached for the door. “After you,” he twirled his wrist like a fancy usher, and the pair was out the door.


	7. Seven

Ben was a pretty standard lay. Not much foreplay, but good mouth technique. Tended to rush, but nice big hands. Came too quickly, but looked good doing it. All in all, Hux would rate the experience a 6/10. Not a memory to loathe, but certainly not something that needed repeating.

Although, they  _ did _ fuck three times that night. No cuddling in between or after, of course, though Ben sure tried for it. Despite this minor annoyance, Hux was pleased to find that Ben quite enjoyed sucking cock—Ben sure was lovely when he wasn’t speaking.  

 

Later, Hux paced by the window. It was past 11 and he’d heard no word from Techie. From the bedroom, Ben was calling, “Hux, come back to bed!”

“Don’t say that like it’s your bed, too, Benjamin,” Hux snapped back. “Nothing in this apartment belongs to you, including me. I don’t even know why you’re still here!”

“Jeez,” Ben’s bare feet padded out into the hall, then into the living room, where he stood behind Hux and put his hands on his shoulders. “Don’t be so cranky. Your brother’s an adult, I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Stop trying to play supportive boyfriend, for the love of God. We fucked, and it was a decent fuck, but it’s nothing more, understand?”

Ben’s hands flew up in surrender and he stepped back from the fire. Hux returned his attention to the window. Many cars pulled up, none of them carrying his brother. God, Hux didn’t even know what kind of car this Matt character drove.  _ Way to be an invested brother _ , he scolded himself.

Finally, a rusty Honda pulled up, and a familiar red head emerged from the passenger’s seat. Hux breathed a sigh of relief. He looked on, saw Matt get out from the driver’s side. They leaned together against the car, phones out, exchanging phone numbers, Hux presumed. Shy words were exchanged. Then, a kiss.

“Oh my god, finally!” Roared Hux triumphantly. “Breck’s first kiss!” He ran to his desk, pulling out a long roll of paper and various markers.

“What the hell are you doing?” Ben asked, yawning.

“Making a banner, of course. Every first kiss deserves a banner!”

“Did  _ yours _ have a banner?”

“No, and I’m still angry about it, all these years later!”

Hux began to scribble out the message, but only had  _ Congratulat _ down when Breck walked through the door.

He stood frozen in the entryway, looking at the boxer-clad man standing in the living room, perplexed.

“Uh, sorry, Armie, I didn’t think you’d have company…”

“If you can call several pot roasts in a human skin suit company…” Hux muttered. He cleared his throat. “Actually, Ben was just leaving. Ben. Goodnight.”

Ben walked back towards the bedroom, Hux calling after him. “That’s not the exit!”

“No, but it’s where my clothes are! I can get those, can’t I?”

Hux huffed. “I suppose.”  

Breck and Hux stood in silence, Breck rocking toe-to-heel, waiting for Ben to leave. He emerged from the bedroom, mostly dressed, and approached Hux, lips aimed for a kiss. Hux moved away swiftly.

“Goodnight, Ben.” Hux’s voice was firm as he went to open the door.

“Sweet dreams, Red,” Ben winked, not at all discouraged, and skipped out the door. Hux closed it after him with a slam.

“Wow,” said Breck, taking off his shoes. “I didn’t see that coming.”

“He’s an idiot,” Hux sighed, sitting down on the couch, “but he’s a very attractive one.”

“Doesn’t seem your type.”

“He’s just the type to break a dry spell, but nothing more.”

Breck, shoes and jacket discarded, sat down on the other side of the couch, pulling his knees to his chest. “So, what, do you just not talk to him ever again? Is that what you do with these kinds of guys?”

“It’s what I prefer. Unfortunately, I have to work with him on a project.”

Breck’s eyes went wide. “What?! And you slept with him but also hate him?!”

“Hate is a strong word, Breck. But he’s not my favorite person in the world, that’s for damn sure.”

“No offense, Armie, but that seems like a poor decision.”

“Believe me, I know.” Hux shook his head, disappointed with himself. “The thing is, even as highly-evolved as I know myself to be, sometimes things get in the way of a rational decision. But enough about me and my terrible choices. Tell me about your night.”

Breck blushed and buried his head in his knees. “It was fun.”

“Did you…make potentially poor choices?”

“No. All good choices, I think.” Breck beamed. “We, uh…kissed. A lot.”

Hux crossed his hands over his heart. “Oh I’m so happy, Breck. I tried to make you a congratulations banner but I didn’t quite have the time. Still. Wow. Your first kiss. I’m so proud.” 

Breck furrowed his brow. “What makes you think it was my  _ first  _ kiss?”

“I assumed you would’ve told me if you’d played tonsil hockey before.”

“Stop using outdated sayings.”

“Was it  _ not  _ your first kiss?” Hux asked excitedly, straightening up. “When was it?  _ Who _ was it? Tell me!”

“No, it was, I just…it’s so embarrassing that it took this long. I hoped that everyone just assumed I already had by now. I’m almost 20, for pete’s sake.”

“How was it?”

“Nice.” Breck said. “Really, really nice.”

“You don’t have to tell me the details, but did you do anything…more?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I didn’t want to.”

“Are you scared?” It’s important to note that Hux said this with no trace of mocking. He was genuinely concerned about his brother’s feelings and fears.

Breck shrugged. “I guess a little. But. It isn’t just that. I don’t know, I just…I don’t want to, right now.”

“But you’re attracted to him, right? Does it feel, like—excuse the cliche— _ electric _ ?”

“Yeah. I don’t know if electric is the word, but my stomach feels all weird and tingly and tight, and my hands start to feel like they have a mind of their own, like they  _ really _ need to touch something. And even though I was kind of scared to, because it felt too, I dunno,  _ advanced _ , I really wanted to be right against him, you know? I wanted my whole body to touch his whole body. I guess it isn’t so much electric as, like, magnetic? Does that make sense?”

“Yes, Breck. It makes total sense.”

“How old were you when you first…y’know…did all of it?”

“Not old enough.”

“How old?”

“15.”

“God, I feel like such a freak!” Breck said, pulling at his hair. “I’m not just a late bloomer, I’m like…I don’t even know. Defective.”

“Breck, no, not at all!” Hux reached out and placed his hand gently on Breck’s forearm. “There’s nothing wrong with waiting to do certain things, or not wanting to do them at all. I sometimes wish I had waited till I was a little older, but what’s done is done, y’know? It’s really less about the when, Breck, but the who. And I wish my first time had been with someone I loved. But hey, if I’d waited for that, I’d still be a virgin.”

“You’ve never been in love?”

“No. Might not be capable of it. Which is fine, honestly, my life is complicated enough without fucking  _ feelings _ thrown in. But you’re a sentimental soul, Breck. A romantic. When the person is right, and the moment is just right…you’ll know. And it’ll be lovely.” 

“How can you say nice things like that but be so anti-feelings?”

“I’m not anti-feelings for everyone else, just for myself.” Hux punctuated the end of his sentence with a nod. “I’m a very complex individual.”

“Clearly.”

Hux yawned. “I really need to go to bed, it’s been a very, ehm, active evening and I am worn  _ out.” _

Breck wrinkled his nose. “Not really something I need to know.”

“Yes, well. Blankets and pillows are in the chest, as you know.”

“Ok. Thanks.” Breck rose and started to set up his makeshift bed on the couch. “Goodnight, Armie.”

Hux nodded and started down the hall, but then he froze and turned. “Breck?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really proud of you.”

“For what?”

“For going out tonight, even though you were scared. For setting boundaries with Matt and not doing anything you weren’t ready for. And for being open to talk about it. I know you think you’re lagging way behind everyone else your age, but honestly, I think you’re miles ahead of all of those fuckers.”

Breck chuckled a little to lighten the moment, but it still felt serious and important. He pushed his hair behind his ears so he could look Hux in the eyes—something he rarely did. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Hux smiled. “Goodnight, Breck.”

 

The next morning when Hux came out to make breakfast, he saw his brother peacefully asleep on the couch, snoring lightly, the letterman’s jacket he took to be Matt’s draped over him atop the blanket. It prompted something in Hux. Shaking his head, knowing what he was about to do was ridiculous and ill-advised, Hux took out his phone.

And he composed a good morning message to Ben.


	8. Eight

Techie tried to do his homework, but found it hard to focus with Armie flying around the room like a whirling dervish, texting frantically. Techie decided to give up and turn on the TV. 

“Why are you so unhinged right now?” Techie asked.

“Because this bastard is being so difficult!” Armie answered, whipping a sketchpad out of his desk drawer and sketching mad lines. When his phone buzzed, he took to holding his pencil in his mouth. “We need to meet to talk about the project but he won’t stop sending me pictures of his dick!”

Techie snorted in surprise. “Why don’t you call him? Texting clearly isn’t working.”

“I should never have slept with him.”

“I agree.”

Armie stormed off towards his bedroom, from which shouts came seconds later. “You absolute moron, just meet me in the lower level studio, for God’s sake! At noon, you imbecile! I swear on your cock if you’re not there on time…” 

Techie could hardly focus on the  _ Friends _ rerun that was playing, so amused was he by his brother’s dilemma. He looked at his own phone. No notifications but an automated newsletter from the college. He wanted to text Matt, but he didn’t want to seem desperate. Armie had told him that the more obvious interest you show in someone, the less likely they are to like you back. Techie thought this was a sick and evil thing for the universe to do. Then again, the universe was a sick and evil place.

“Alright,” Armie returned to the living room, dressed and pressed, leather laptop bag slung over his chest. “I’m going to the art center to do some work on this goddamn nightmare of a project. Not sure when I’ll be back. There’s ramen and Mac n Cheese in the cupboard for you, you’re the only one who eats that garbage. Feel free to have a friend over if you like, just stay out of my bedroom. Call me if you need me. Buh-bye!”

And thus, Techie was alone. Without the distraction that was his older brother, Techie decided to give his homework another go. He was only a page into his reading, though, when he phone buzzed.

MATT: hi

TECHIE: Hi!

Oh god, capitalization  _ and _ punctuation? He’s really going to think I’m over-eager now, thought Techie.

MATT: what r u doing

TECHIE: hw. U?

Ok, better. More casual. Chill.

MATT: hw

TECHIE: cool

Techie watched the screen. He watched the bubble with the “so-and-so is typing” ellipses flash, then disappear, then come back again, taunting him. This went on for a solid six minutes. Techie’s hands were slick with sweat.

TECHIE: Do u wanna come study with me? At my bro’s?

MATT: ok sure

MATT: is he there?

TECHIE: no

MATT: i have to shower, i’ll be there in 30

MATT:  :)

 

Techie had 30 minutes to shower, brush his teeth, find something halfway decent to wear, and attempt some cover up on his forehead scar. All while trying to ignore the familiar gurgles of anxiety in the pit of his stomach.


	9. Nine

When Hux arrived at the studio, he experienced mixed feelings. The sight of the idiotic manchild he’d fucked the night before pleased him, on the one hand, because he was on time, and hard at work, and he didn’t look too bad. On the other hand, Hux’s stomach clenched in dread, well aware that this would be the most awkward and intense partnership of his academic career.

“Good morning, Red!” Ben greeted when Hux stepped through the door. He raised a Starbucks cup out to him. “Wasn’t sure what you drank but I figured it wouldn’t be anything good, so I just got you a boring dark roast.”

Hux took it, suspicious. “Thank you.”

“You look very good today, Red. That shirt fits you wonderfully. And your skin…you seem to glow, today. Almost as if you had the best sex of your life last night.”

“Oh shut up, Ben.”

“I’m just being a gentleman.”

“Ben, listen,” Hux sat down in the chair across from Ben and began taking out his materials— computer, sketchpad, notebook, pencils and pens, erasers, etc. “Last night was a mistake, alright? I’ve had quite the dry spell and was very… _ susceptible _ to temptation. But we’re working on a major project together, alright? So it cannot happen again.”

Ben folded his arms and smirked.

“Ben? Do you understand?”

“Yes. We cannot have sex again.”

“Correct.”

“While we’re working on the project.”

“Ben, no—”

“So, let’s get it done as quick as we can!”

“I don’t think you underst—”

“C’mon, babe,” Ben clapped his hands enthusiastically and flipped to a page in his notebook, “let’s get to work!”

Hux huffed and began to look at Ben’s notes, while showing Ben his own. Maybe this would be okay. They’d work together, agreeing not to sleep together during the production of the project, and then when it’s finished, Hux could just flee the country! But no, he has one more semester left. Dammit! He could go incognito, sunglasses and baseball caps. Though Hux hated few things more than having hat hair. Well, okay. He’d figure out something.

Hux glanced up from the page at the wrong moment, meeting Ben’s eyes dead on. They sparkled a warm amber. Hux looked away, only to stare at the plush lips, the massive shoulders, the pecs he knew were freckled under that green tee-shirt… 

_ Shit _ , thought Hux.  _ I’m going to sleep with him again. _

 

After an hour of arguing and loaded stares, preliminary plans and sketches were agreed upon. Hux was eager to power walk right out of there, but of course, Ben wouldn’t let him go that easily.

“You hungry? I’m starving. Let’s get lunch.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t.”

“Evian mad at you for letting me fuck you?” Ben laughed. Hux rolled his eyes so hard he thought they might get stuck.

“I’m a very busy man, Ben.”

“Even busy men gotta eat. C’mon.” Ben stopped and Hux, for reasons unknown, stopped, too. Ben looked at him with his strange half-smile, eyes enchanting. “It’ll be my treat. I didn’t get to buy you dinner last night before giving you the best sex of your life. Let me be a gentleman and buy you a meal now.”

“Fine.” Hux muttered. He was hungry, after all. “But don’t get all big-headed. It was  _ not _ the best sex of my life, Benjamin. Not even close.”

Ben grinned. “Alright, then. You can tell me all about how I can improve over lunch. I love feedback.”

Hux wanted to cringe, but he didn’t. That in itself was disturbing.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for mentions of past violence/trauma and parental abandonment

Matt’s arrival was a bit awkward. He and Techie played a game of musical chairs, unsure of how close to each other to sit. Were they really there to study together? Or were they going to fool around? Neither was sure.

Eventually, they settled on the couch, Techie tucked into the left corner, Matt leaning against the right armrest. They sat with their books opened on their laps, trying to concentrate, and failing to do so.

“God, this problem is impossible,” Matt sighed, staring at his textbook.

“What class is it for?”

“Advanced Computational Theory with Dr. Meyers. It’s kicking my ass.” Matt took off his glasses and pressed his palms to his eyes.

“I can help,” Techie said meekly. “I took it last year.”

Matt looked at Techie, squinty, then remembered to put his glasses back on. “You took Advanced Computational Theory as a freshman?! How?”

“Did a lot of advanced coursework in high school.”

“Did you go to a tech magnet or something?”

“No, I wish. Military academy. Everyone found out I was shit at anything physical pretty quick, though, and the tech and logistics people kind of took me under their wing. While everyone else was doing obstacle drills, I was coding.”

“Damn, I can’t picture you in military school.”

“Yeah.”

“Was it terrible?”

Techie shifted, uncomfortable. “Kinda, yeah…I, uh, I was a pretty easy target for picking on, so…I guess I felt like the computer labs were the only safe space for me. Everywhere else I tended to…it doesn’t matter, it's over now.”  

Matt noticed Techie’s discomfort and placed his hand, palm up, on the cushion between them. Techie took it, cautiously. “Did you lose your eye in Military school?”

Techie’s breath hitched. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Ok. Sure.” Matt gave Techie’s hand what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze. “Well, was your brother there, too, at least? He seems to do a good job keeping an eye out for you.” Matt froze. “Oh my god, sorry, poor choice of words.”

“No, actually, Armie went to an arts boarding school. I wanted to go there, or to a science academy, but my father thought I needed toughening up, so…”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah. Well. Enough about me. What kind of high school did you go to?”

Matt snorted. “Uh, just your run-of-the-mill suburban public school. As basic as it gets, really.” 

Techie smiled softly. “I always liked the look of those. On TV and stuff. Like I know there’s all sorts of drama and cliques, but everyone seems to find  _ somebody _ on those shows. And they get to go home after their classes and be with their family.”

Matt moved the books between them to the coffee table and scooted closer to Techie, putting an arm around his shoulders and cuddling into him. “Yeah, it was nice. I mean, it was still high school, which is generally across-the-board terrible, but I had a good group of other dorky friends, and I lived just down the street from the school, so I went home during lunch and ate with my mom.”

“That sounds so nice.”

“Do you not see your parents often?”

Techie shifted his weight, leaning into Matt further. “Hardly ever. Christmas is pretty much it.”

“What about in the summer?”

“They send us to camps or internships or whatever they can find to keep us away from them.” Techie bit at his quivering lip, begging in his head to  _ stop shaking calm down, stop shaking calm down. _

“I’m sorry, Tech. That’s…I’m really sorry.” Matt pressed a soft kiss to the silky red on the top of Techie’s head and squeezed him closer. “I know what that’s like, to feel like your parents don’t want you. I mean, not to the same extent, but…my dad left when I was pretty young, and the last thing I’ve heard from him was a birthday card when I was 12. Heard from my aunt he has a new family in Ohio.”

“Jesus, Matt, that’s horrible.”

“Yeah, but, I’m lucky, too, y’know, cuz my mom is fantastic. So, yeah, I just…just want you to know that I get it.”

“Thank you,” whispered Techie, wrapping his arms around Matt’s waist.

They sat like that for several minutes, their breath, their heartbeats in time. Techie felt warm, the special kind of warm like when a patch of sun hits you just right on a windy day. A warmth just for him. He didn’t want to let go, and he didn’t want to speak, afraid to break the serenity of the moment. Finally, though, the passing of time roared at him, and he shocked back to consciousness. 

“Let’s take a look at that comp theory problem, yeah?” Techie suggested, breaking away. Matt nodded and pulled away to get his book, but not before pressing a soft, lovely kiss to Techie’s lips.

“Whatever you want,” grinned Matt.  


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> potential ED trigger? NSFW, explicitish discussion of sex

The food was unbelievably greasy. It was perfect.

“I have a shoot next week, I really shouldn’t be eating this,” Hux said as he stuffed the third slice of Supreme pizza in his mouth. 

“What kind of shoot?” Ben asked, mouth equally full and disgusting.

“Burberry and Gap winter collections. Back to back, same location, which is amazing. I hate trying to navigate this labyrinth of a city. I just don’t have the patience.”

“Are you going to move when you get your degree?” 

“No, I’ll probably stay here until Breck graduates. Then we’ll see.” Hux took another enormous bite, eyes rolling back into his head. “ _ Fuck _ this is so  _ good. _ ”

“Wow, you’re more enthusiastic than you were last night,” Ben commented.

“Yeah, well, you’ll have to step up your game.”

“Please, yes, let’s get to the feedback, I’m ready!” Ben clapped his hands once and sat up straight, excited to be evaluated.

Hux smirked, a little bit of evilness in it. “You want to do this now, in public?”

“Unless you want to give me a hands-on lesson back at my place.”

Hux rolled his eyes and launched into his fully-clothed review session. “Well, for starters, you really glossed over the foreplay.”

Ben looked puzzled. “I thought the whole making out on the bench thing was foreplay?”

“That was fore-foreplay. There was a whole six minute drive between the bench and my place, I cooled significantly in that period of time.”

“Ok, you like superfluous foreplay, noted. Next?”

“You seemed rather...goal-oriented. Which, in most cases, is a good thing. But it felt almost like a race, or a game, like,  _ let’s see how fast I can cum and then make you cum! _ Which is obnoxious. I don’t like sex to feel rushed, unless it’s one of those storage closet quickies or what have you. But if I’m in my bed, in my own damn apartment, I want to take my goddamn time and enjoy it while it lasts. And it should last. Longer than 30 seconds.”

Ben blushed. “I guess that’s fair.”

“As for number three, you preferred the lights quite low. Which I don’t like. Sight is a very important of the sexual experience, don’t you think, Benjamin? Or am I too pale and stringy to be stared at for too long?”

Ben startled. “No! No, of course not, you’re fucking gorgeous, I just have a tendency…I’ve always kept it dark as, like, a  _ courtesy _ to my partner, I guess. Because, uh, I figure they’d rather not see me too clearly, so—”

“Oh for the love of God, Ben.” Hux rolled his eyes so hard and fast it almost hurt. “Don’t pull the damn  _ I’m-ugly-say-you-love-me  _ fishing for compliments bullshit. That hasn’t worked on me since I was 16.”

“That’s not how I meant it, it’s just that in the past, people have requested them off, so, I tend to keep them off.” 

Ben’s eyes were definitely in a pity-me-I’m-a-kicked-puppy kind of state, but it didn’t look fake. Hux cursed internally. This bastard wanted him to have  _ feelings. _ How utterly unfair.

“Alright, Ben, I’ll say this once, ok? This is not me being kind and stroking your ego, because I don’t do that shit. The honest truth is that  _ if _ we ever sleep together again—and if we do it will be a loooong time from now—I would like the lights on because I think you’re very attractive and would like to look at you naked. There. Alright?”

“Hux—”

“Shut up and eat your pizza, you pathetic manchild.”  Hux took a defiant bite of his own slice while Ben picked up his.

Ben smiled unabashedly. Hux’s stomach lurched, and it took all of his well-exercised facial muscles to keep from returning the grin.

 

They each ate two more slices, discussed the project lightly, insulted one another, visited the record shop around the corner, bought an album each for the other to listen to (Ben for Hux: "Disintegration" by the Cure, Hux for Ben: "So" by Peter Gabriel), then made their way back to Ben's apartment.

You can probably guess what happened next.


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for night terrors that imply past abuse

**** At some point, after setting aside their homework and turning on a movie, they fell asleep. Lying down on the couch together, Techie on the edge with Matt wedged between him and the back of the sofa, bodies molded in the same shape. Matt had one large hand resting on Techie’s soft stomach gently, another hanging off the edge of the couch, the arm it was attached to sitting between Techie's neck and the throw pillow. Techie, hands loosely folded together and resting in front of his mouth, slept contently for about a half hour, but soon a dream began to disturb him.

Matt, a light sleeper by nature, began to stir from Techie’s first twitch of the leg. Techie writhed and jerked in frustration, as if trying to get out of a hold, and began to mutter fragments of “leave me alone,” and “no, please, don’t, stop.” Matt, still groggy and unsure what to do, tightened his grip on Techie, hoping to comfort him. Pulling him into a tight hug and smoothing his hair did not help, however, and Techie delivered a swift elbow to Matt’s rib. The force of it caused Techie to roll off the couch, and he lay on the carpet, asleep and thrashing at the air. Matt sat up and forced himself to fully wake. Carefully, he crept off the couch and onto the floor, where he squatted next to Techie and observed him.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?!” Techie whimpered, face red and fists clenched. His breath became labored, and soon Matt noticed tears streaming down Techie’s cheeks. Matt wanted to wake Techie, to put an end to his nightmare, but he was afraid of further distressing him. Obviously any kind of restraint only upset him further, so Matt didn’t know what to do. Keeping his distance, he tried talking to the terrorized boy on the floor.

“Techie, it’s ok. You’re ok. Listen to me,” Matt spoke softly.

“Shut up! Stop lying to me, I’m not stupid! You’re with them! Why do you all hate me so much?! Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Techie spoke in strangled screams, eyes shut tight. 

“Techie, it’s Matt. You’re safe, here, with me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Liar!”

“We’re in your brother’s apartment, Techie. Your brother Armitage will be home soon. He keeps you safe, doesn’t he?”

“He isn’t here! He’s 500 miles away! I hate it here! I hate this school! I want to leave, let me leave, let me go, please, please, pl—” At this point, Techie broke down in sobs, completely unable to speak. Matt reached out a hand carefully, a light, comforting touch to Techie’s shoulder, but Techie smacked it away with quick reflexes, sobbing all the while. Matt, at a loss, grabbed Techie’s phone off the end table and found Armitage’s number within it.

Two rings, then an answer, not quite into the receiver. “Shh, it’s my brother. Keep your hands to yourself, incorrigible bastard…” Then, into the receiver: “Sorry. What is it, Breck?”

“Armitage, no, uh, this is Matt. Techie’s friend?”

Armitage’s voice became extremely serious. “Is he alright? What’s happened?”

“He fell asleep, and now he’s having, like, some horrible nightmare and he’s screaming and crying and I don’t know what to do…should I call an ambulance?”

On the other end, Armitage Hux sighed, a mix of relief and distress. “No, no, this happens often. Grab a dish rag or washcloth—you’re at my place, yeah? There’s some in the drawer to the right of the sink.  Run it under cold water, then place it folded on his forehead. You have to do it very carefully, though, no sudden moves, or he’ll think you’re someone trying to hurt him. Once you place the cloth, give him space. Take a seat at least six feet away from him. Then wait. Sometimes humming a song will speed up the process, or maybe it just makes it feel like the time is passing quicker. The cold wakes him up, though. He, uh…he probably won’t remember the dream, and he gets embarrassed if you talk too much about it. Just tell him he was ‘restless’ and you were worried. He’ll understand what happened.” 

Matt was silent, stunned.

“Matt, are you there?”

“Yeah. Sorry. Um, ok. I’ll do that.”

“Ok. I’ll head home, I’ll be there shor—”

“No!” Matt said, a little too quick. “Um, I mean, it’s okay. I’ll call you if there’s an issue and you need to come, but I think it’ll be ok.”

Techie screamed loudly.

“I’m coming home, you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

Matt wedged the phone between his ear and his shoulder and made his way to the kitchen. “I’ve got it, it’s ok.” He ran the cloth under the sink and wrung it slightly before padding back into the living room. “Techie told me you have a big project to work on, it’s ok. Really.”

Armitage hesitated. “Fine, okay. But you call me immediately if it doesn’t work. And have him call me when he wakes up, ok?”

“Yes. Thank you. Bye.” Matt set the phone down and carefully held the cloth by its corners. He hovered over Techie and brought the cloth down softly on his forehead. Techie’s nose twitched, but soon his body began to calm. His sobbing ceased, though he still sniffled and tears still swam out of his eyes. His breathing began to regulate, and Matt, taking a seat in a chair across the room, began to hum the only song he could think of: “The Brady Bunch” theme song. After maybe three minutes, Techie opened his eyes. Matt watched, but made no movement, not wanting to startle him.

Techie blinked and propped himself up on his elbows. As he did so, the cloth on his forehead slid down his nose, and he quickly became aware of what had happened. He looked across the room at Matt and then buried his head in his hands, the tops of his ears turning bright red.

Slowly, Matt rose and walked over to the couch. He sat down in the right corner, an arm’s length from where Techie leaned against the other end of the sofa. “You were, um, restless.” Matt said. “I was worried.”

Techie’s voice came muffled from within his hands. “I had a fit, didn’t I?”

Matt, less nervous about approaching after hearing Techie speak consciously, moved down onto the floor and gingerly placed a hand on Techie’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Techie wiped at his face with the end of his sleeve. “Mortified, but other than that, just fine,” he choked out with a pathetic laugh. “Less than 24 hours after the first kiss and you find me out for a freak. I thought I could make it at least a week without you realizing.”

“Techie, hey,” Matt touched Techie’s cheek gently, guiding him to face him. Matt smiled warmly and brushed away one of Techie’s tears. “You aren’t a freak. Everyone has their little... quirks.”

“Quirks!” Techie laughed bitterly. “I’ve broken my brother’s nose three times with my ‘quirk,’ and bruised up his ribs. Did I hurt you? Fuck, I’m sure I did.”

“Just a light elbowing of the solar plexus, pretty painless.”

Techie hung his head and sighed. “I’m sorry, Matt. I’m…glitchy. I don’t…I don’t run smooth, y’know? And everything’s been tried to fix me, but I’m not fixable. So.” Techie rose slowly and made his way to the kitchen, where he poured a glass of water. A hand gripping the countertop, Techie faced the backsplash of the sink, sipping slowly, trying to pretend he couldn’t feel Matt’s stare on his back. He finished the glass and filled it up again. Finally, he spoke. “You should probably go, Matt. I’m not gonna be mad. I understand. Not like we’re really anything yet anyway. I heard Doph Mitaka has a thing for you, he seems nice and normal.”

“Techie.” Matt thought of what to say, searched his brain for every romantic declaration of devotion and acceptance in every film he’d ever seen. Came up blank. Matt wasn’t particularly eloquent, to say the least. What he was good at, really, was gestures.

Techie felt a warm presence behind him. A comforting one, he knew, a safe one, but it disturbed him anyway, because he knew he wouldn’t feel it again any time soon. Matt looped his arms around Techie’s waist and rested his head against Techie’s. All of this was light, feather touches, contact barely made. Matt wanted to communicate “no pressure,” both literally and figuratively. Techie’s hairs rose when Matt started to speak, voice soft and warm.

“I don’t scare easily.”

“Your reaction to the movie last night says differently.”

Matt snorted—an embarrassing sound that Techie grinned at. “Fair enough. But I’m not scared of  _ you _ . And I don’t think you’re glitchy. I like you. Just as you are.”

Matt would realize later that one of those film declarations did in fact come to him, and he totally stole that line from  _ Bridget Jones’ Diary _ . At this moment, though, all his thoughts were on Techie. He tightened his grip slightly, giving Techie a light squeeze around the waist, one he hoped communicated something like  _ I am here for you and you mean something to me. _

Techie tried to bite back tears, but the levees broke. He turned in Matt’s arms, burrowing his face in the crook of Matt’s neck. “I’m so ruined. I’m not whole. I can’t…I can’t…” Techie broke down in sobs.

Matt hugged Techie tight against him and pressed a kiss to his hair. “If you’re not whole then neither am I, Tech. So why don’t we be broken and glitchy together?”

Techie held tight to Matt’s neck as he finished the last of his sobs, then finally pulled back and looked into Matt’s eyes. They were wet, too, out of pity, Techie feared, but looking closer he saw it wasn’t pity at all, but empathy. And something else, too.

“Glitchy together, huh?” Techie wiped his eyes and tried to smile.

“Yeah,” said Matt. “A match made in glitch heaven, like running Internet Explorer on Windows Vista.”

Techie laughed at that, genuinely, and Matt did, too, their eyes connecting in relief, infatuation, and most importantly, understanding.

Desperate is not the right word for the kiss that followed, but to an outsider it may have looked like it. It wasn’t desperate, no, because desperation implies some sort of resorting to, or need overpowering desire. That was not the case with this kiss. This kiss was fueled by desire, not need, but even more than that, it was fueled by the utter perfection and euphoria that one feels when a difficult math equation is finally solved, or when the last piece of the puzzle fits itself in. It was a kiss of fulfillment. Satisfaction. Of reaching the top of a mountain. But not that, either, not quite, because it felt effortless. Something that had been waited for, longed for, yes, but not worked for, actively. A cosmic gift, maybe, that these two pieces found each other as they did. But they did. And this kiss, against a counterfeit granite countertop, wet and salty with tears, clumsy and unpracticed and eager and perfect…it was a gift they both very much deserved.


	13. Thirteen

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come home?” Hux asked into the phone. He sat on the edge of Ben’s on-the-floor mattress, legs bent awkwardly, pushing away an overeager Ben while he tried to talk on the phone.

“I’m ok, Armie, really. Don’t worry about me,” Breck replied.

“Did Matt go home?”

“Uh, no…he’s still here.”

Hux smiled. “Alright. Are you okay to make dinner for yourselves?”

Hux could practically hear Breck’s eyeroll through the phone. “Yes, mother. See you later.”

“Make good choices!” Hux said, but Breck had already hung up. Hux set his phone down on the floor.

“Ready for round 2?” Ben purred into Hux’s ear. Hux smacked him with a pillow.

“My brother just had an episode, you buffoon. Give me five goddamn minutes, alright?” 

Ben was taken aback at the harshness of Hux’s snap. Usually, mischievous flirtatiousness could be heard in Hux’s sharp reprimands. Not this time. Ben rolled back and sat on his heels. He waited a moment before speaking again.

“What kind of episode? Is he epileptic or something?”

“No,” Hux sighed, staring at the floor. “They’re these… night terror things. I don’t know. He’s alright, I just worry.”

“I get bad nightmares, too,” Ben said, “I have this one where I’m on top of a ferris wheel, but it’s stuck, and it’s storming out, and—”

“They’re not regular nightmares, Ben, it’s something much worse. God, you’re thick.”

“I’ve been told,” Ben said with a wry smile, gesturing at his erect penis. Hux did not turn to look at him. Ben sighed. “You want some tea or something?”

Hux shrugged. “Wine would be nice,” he mumbled.

Ben stood and trod naked into the kitchen.

  
  


They lay propped up beside each other, backs against the cold wall, blankets and sheets snaking around their ankles. Ben swirled the wine in his glass, imitating the pretentious wine tasters he’d seen on TV. Hux sipped, made a face of disgust, and sipped some more.

“You don’t like it?” Ben asked.

“It’s boxed, isn’t it?” Hux said dryly.

“So what if it is?”

Hux shook his head. “Trashy,” he mumbled, before tipping his head back and chugging the contents of the glass. Ben blinked in confusion.

“Alright,” said Hux, setting the glass aside and rising to his knees. “I’m ready.” He moved to straddle Ben, but was startled into stopping by Ben’s sudden question:

“Do you hate me, Hux?”

This time, Hux was the one blinking in confusion. “What? What are you talking about?”

“At first I thought it was just how you flirted, but now it seems like… like you’ve got a lot of disdain for me, man.”

“Ben, c’mon.”

“Insult me, fuck me, get drunk so you can fuck me again…”

“One glass of 3 dollar boxed wine doesn’t get me drunk, Benjamin.”

“Hux.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “I’m in your bed, aren’t I?”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Ben mumbled.

“Really? It doesn’t mean anything? You think I go to bed with just anyone?”

“That’s not what I meant, I just mean—”

“I’ve told you many times, Ben, I’m a very busy man. You should see my Google calendar, honestly. I’m a very busy man, and the fact that I’ve spent, what, six hours with you today? And four yesterday? All by choice? I don’t give that kind of time to people I hate, or even mildly dislike, alright?” Hux huffed. He hated talking about anything even remotely feelings related. He crossed his arms and positioned himself over Ben’s waist, straddling him. Standing tall on his knees, he said, “Now, are you going to fuck me, or do I have to do it myself?”  

Ben’s response was prompt.


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning for threats of violence and some sexual harassment. And some mildly ableist language

Techie had trouble focusing all day. His classes went by in a blur. All he could think about was 3 o’clock, when the Robotics team had a meeting in the science building’s basement. He wanted to see Matt. Wanted to text him all day, but was afraid if he did, they’d run out of things to talk about in person. The day before had been so nice, despite his night terror episode, or even,  _ because _ of it. Because of how Matt reacted. Because of how safe he made Techie feel. They had finished the evening with a Bob’s Burgers marathon and some Mac n Cheese. And a little making out. Matt left around 8, when Armie got home, and Techie had been missing him ever since.

Techie was so absorbed in thoughts of Matt that he didn’t even notice who was walking towards him across the near-empty quad. A hard shoulder-check threw him stumbling into the grass.

“Gangly motherfucker,” a voice snarled. It came from a skinny, angular girl with choppy hair and cargo pants. Marla. “You’ve been MIA on the floor. Where you been, huh?”

“Cat sitting.” Techie lied, righting himself and trying to stand as tall as possible. He was much bigger than her, shouldn’t be physically threatened at all, but she was scary. The kind of girl who carries a switchblade in her bra. Not the sort you mess with if you can avoid it. Techie genuinely wondered how someone so aggressive got a job as an RA.

Marla snorted. “Only pussy you’ll ever get.”

Techie wrinkled his nose. Marla certainly wasn’t  _ smarter _ than him. “I have to go to class, now. Goodbye.”

“Not so fast.” Marla yanked a fistful of Techie’s hair and pulled him down to her level. He hissed in pain. “You’re gonna help me with this project, you got that?”

“No, Marla.” Techie tried to sound as firm as possible, but his voice wavered. “I’m not going to.”

“Oh, Techie,” Marla purred, “how naive you are. I want you to help me. And I get what I want.” With a hard turn of her wrist, Marla pulled Techie’s hair at a more painful angle. She whispered in his ear while he winced in pain. “There are two ways we can do this. If you’re kind and cooperative, not only will I not hurt you…” she trailed a hand down Techie’s torso, playing near his belt buckle. “I’ll  _ reward you _ .” She pulled back a bit, just enough to give Techie a good view of her own hand stroking her less-than-impressive cleavage area. “But if you choose to be difficult, well,” from her bra, Marla procured her switchblade and held it proudly. “I’d love to practice my incision technique on you.”

“What the fuck is this?”

A large shadow loomed over the pair. Instantly, Marla stepped away from Techie and released her hold. She lowered her knife to her side. Techie looked up at the intimidating shadow. He smiled.

“Techie was threatening me!” she cried unconvincingly. “I was only defending myself. Dude’s a psycho.  Look at him!”

“Jesus, Marla, you’re really that concerned about your F in Chemistry?” Matt stepped between Techie and Marla, even though he knew she wouldn’t try anything with him there. She was scared of him, and he knew it. “You try to seduce every CompSci guy in our building into helping you, and when that doesn’t work, you take your knife to them? How unbelievably pathetic.” Matt spat. 

“That’s not what happened,” Marla lied. “I…he…what you don’t understand is…Techie is…”

“My boyfriend.” Matt said. “And you better stay the fuck away from him. I know you caused that gash on his head, and my friend Rey over there has been recording the whole exchange since you knocked into Techie. I’d get a jump on packing if I were you. You’re definitely losing your RA job.”

Techie and Marla both glanced toward the tree Matt gestured at to see Rey, holding her phone up and waving. 

Matt lowered his voice and stepped closer to Marla, eyes ablaze. “If you try to hurt him again— no, if you even ever  _ look _ at him again, you’re gonna lose a lot more than your job. That’s a promise.”

Matt cracked his knuckles like a movie thug and took Techie’s hand. “C’mon, let’s go get a smoothie.”

  
  


Techie’s smoothie was half gone before he had the courage to say anything. “Th-thank you.”

Matt smiled. “Any time.”

“It’s so embarrassing, she’s so small and she’s a girl but she’s, I dunno, like—”

“Nuts? That’s what makes her so scary. I get it, Tech. I do. You shouldn’t be embarrassed for being scared of her. She’s fucked people up before.” Matt took a long sip of his smoothie—the straw made a loud brrrmp sound. “I wouldn’t really, like, beat her up or anything, of course. But she knows I _could,_ so she backs down. I doubt she’ll try anything again, especially now that we have proof to take to the dean, but if she does, I’ll be there in a second. And she’ll turn right around.”

“How did you know this would happen? I mean, how did you know to have Rey there to film it?”

“I didn’t. Rey saw you walking and saw Marla coming from the other direction. She called me right away and then started filming it.” Matt took a deep breath. “We’d been talking, her and I and a couple other team members. Since seeing your head on Saturday, about what might’ve happened. And when you were leaving for your brother’s it seemed like that had to be it. We talked about it a little more at the party, before you got there.”

“Oh.” Techie looked down at his shoes.

“I’m sorry, Tech, I don’t want you feel like we’re all gossiping about you or anything. We were just worried. Really worried. We all like you a lot, Tech. We want you to be safe.” When Techie just nodded, Matt reached his hand across the table and took Techie’s lightly in his own. “We all like you a lot, Tech,” he repeated. “Me especially.”

Techie looked up, then, a smile playing at his lips. He looked at Matt and squeezed his hand awkwardly. “You…you told Marla I’m your boyfriend.”

Matt flushed. “I did, uh, yeah, didn’t I?”

The pair giggled nervously and stared into their smoothies.

“Is that, um,” Matt took back his hand and proceeded to take his glasses off his face, rub them clean on the bottom of his Weezer tee-shirt, and replace them on his face while speaking. “Is that okay? With you?”

Techie bowed his head in an effort to hide his immense grin. He looked up at Matt from under his translucent ginger eyelashes. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “That’s alright with me.”


	15. Fifteen

“I have good news,” said Breck when he returned to Hux’s apartment that evening.

“Oh?” asked Hux, chopping the onions for dinner. Ginger tofu stir-fry. No jokes about his hair, please. “Do tell.”

“Okay,” Breck took off his shoes, hung up his jacket, and threw down his book bag before taking a seat on a stool at the kitchen island. “Do you want the good news or the great news first?”

Hux cocked a brow. “Two pieces of news, wow! Good first. Build up to great.”

“You’re going to have your apartment to yourself again starting Wednesday.” Breck said enthusiastically. 

“Did you get Marla out of there?”

“Yep. Rey Skywalker filmed her threatening me today and we took it to the dean. She’s been fired and kicked out of the dorm. Suspended from school, too, until they figure out if it’s bad enough to warrant expulsion.”

“Wow. That’s…wow.” Hux was thrilled that his brother wouldn’t be terrorized anymore, and happy to have his own space back. Though he would miss having Breck around all the time. He made the apartment feel much less lonely. “Are you afraid she’ll try to come after you, though? Retaliate?”

“She isn’t allowed on campus until her suspension’s up, so security will stop her from getting into any buildings. I doubt she’ll try, though. Matt scared her pretty good today.”

“Matt? What does he have to do with it?”

“He was there when Marla was threatening me. Rey called him when she saw what was happening. He stepped in and told her not to come near me ever again. She’s terrified of him….which, uh, brings me to the Great News.” Breck chewed on his lip and tried not to smile embarrassingly huge. 

“Out with it,” Hux demanded.

“I, um, officially have a boyfriend.”

Hux dropped everything and swooped his arms around Breck, squeezing tight and lifting his feet off the ground. “Ahhhhh!! Yessss!!” He sang. He set Breck down and looked over him. Did he look different now? No, not really, except his face had turned as red as his hair. “It’s Matt, right?”

Breck laughed. “Who else would it be?”

“Just checking! Oh my god, I’m so proud of youuuuu! So you’re, like ‘going steady’? Are you FBO?!”

“FBO? Fall...boy out?”

“Facebook Official!”

“Oh. No. Is that an important thing? I thought that was like a high school thing.”

Hux resumed his onion chopping. “Yeah, you’re probably right. But it wouldn’t be fun to see all the likes and comments the update gets? ‘Breck Hux is now In a Relationship with Matt...whatever-his-name-his! 148 people like this!’”

Breck shrugged. “I don’t care about that so much. Have you ever been FBO with anyone?”

“Nah.”

“Why not?”

Hux shrugged his left shoulder. “Never liked anyone enough.”

“You spent a lot of time with Ben Solo yesterday.” Breck sing-songed.

“Yeah, we have a huge project to work on.”

“Sure, a project called…” Breck did a little ballet twirl across the kitchen and landed next to Hux. In his hands he took a couple loose chunks of Hux’s hair and lifted them toward the ceiling. “Looooove.”

Hux snorted. “Love? With Ben Solo? Me? Good one. Matt likes you for your humor, eh?”

Breck grinned a wide close-mouthed smile and twirled into the living room, singing, “Looooove is a many splendor thiiiiiiing!”

Hux sighed and poured himself a glass of wine. He needed it.

  
  


The next day, Hux ate lunch with Phasma in the Fine Arts Commons. He had salmon, brown rice, and kale salad, while she had a full steak, potato stew, and two chocolate cupcakes. She offered him one of the treats, but he refused—he had a shoot coming up.

“How’s the scaryass project going?” Phasma asked when she saw “Ben Fucking Solo” flash across Hux’s phone screen next to a New Message notification.  

“Not as bad as I anticipated,” Hux said after taking a sip of his mineral water. “Just time consuming. I think I should reduce my sleep time from six to five hours a night.”

Phasma shook her head. “Bad idea, you’ll crash and burn. Plus, think of the damage it could do to your skin… and your eye bags.”

Hux gasped, offended. “I don’t have eye bags!”

“Yet.”

Nervously, Hux gulped down a ton of water, a sudden fear of dehydration having washed over him. “Alright, I see your point. I’ll keep with six hours, but limit me leisure time from one hour to 30 minutes.”

“What is leisure time for you, anyway? I can’t picture you relaxing.”

“If you must know, it usually consists of a good book and a hot bath. Or a hot shower and a prolonged masturbation session.”

“TMI.”

“You asked.”

“Oh man, speaking of prolonged masturbation sessions…” Phasma nodded at who she saw approaching down the hall, but Hux didn’t look yet, caught up in the segue.

“I don’t get it, do you mean they would be the kind of person to have lots of prolonged masturbation sessions, or they’re hot enough to inspire prolonged masturb—” Hux turned his head then to see Ben Solo headed their way.

“Both,” muttered Phasma, before calling out and waving. “Ben! Hello!”

“You know him?” Hux hissed quietly. “Like you’re friends with him?”

“Not besties by any means, but yeah. We’ve had a few art classes together and we’re usually in the gym at the same time. If it interests you, he can bench press two and a half times your weight.”

Hux twitched. “Why would that interest me?”

“Hey, guys!” Ben approached the table in a more jovial mood than usual. He slammed himself down in the chair next to Hux (without asking if he could join them, Hux scowled internally) and pulled out his lunch: Three Lunchables Cracker Stackers, a bag of beef jerky, two apples, and a Red Bull.

“That’s your lunch?” Hux said. “That’s disgusting.”

“I could say the same to you,” Ben said.

“How?”

Ben shrugged. “Salmon is gross.” Ben surveyed the table and smiled. “Phaz has the right idea, though. That there is a fantastic looking lunch. A bit bland for my taste, maybe, but looks hearty as hell.”

“Steak is the only thing that feeds my cold dead soul,” Phasma quipped.

Ben grinned. “A woman after my own heart.” Ben tore the plastic off his first Lunchables packet and assembled a precarious sandwich of crackers, ham, and plasticky cheese. He shoved it in his mouth, and before swallowing, asked Hux, “You have some time to talk about the project soon?”

Hux shifted his eyes elsewhere, disgusted by the crumb and saliva filled mouth facing him. “I have my seminar at 1:30, but I suppose we could talk until then. Do you have your notebook? Phasma, you don’t mind if we have a bit of shop talk over lunch, do you?”

“No, not at all, I’m curious to see what you’re working on anyhow,” answered Phasma. 

Ben shifted awkwardly. “Actually, um. I thought we could discuss it…in private.”

“What, you’re embarrassed to share your plans in front of Phasma? Don’t be. She’s the most non-judgemental person I associate with!”

Phasma nodded. “It’s true.”

Ben thumbed at his lip. “I know, but…I, uh, I think I work better in smaller spaces. I mean, so I don’t get distracted. I really think a  _ private meeting _ would be beneficial.”

Oh. Hux gets it now. His skin goes hot. “I see. Alright. Go find a studio, I’ll be in soon.”

Ben nodded and gathered his things, making his way down the hall to find an empty workspace. Hux started to pack up his lunch.

“I’m sorry, Phas. Do you want to get a drink tonight? My treat?”

Phasma smirked. “Fine. 9 o’clock at O’Brien’s.” 

Hux nodded in affirmation and rose.

“Oh, and Hux?”

“Yeah, Phas?”

She nodded her head toward the hall Ben had retreated down. “Don’t forget to wear a condom.”

Hux balked, speechless. How did she know? Phasma laughed at him and he scurried down the hall.  

Where, as you can probably guess, Ben and Hux fucked in a small, windowless studio space. It was a very good time.


	16. Sixteen

Thanks to Matt and Armie’s help, it only took five minutes to get Techie moved back into his dorm. The dreaded Marla was gone, replaced by a sunny Scandinavian senior called Mette. For the first time, Techie’s room felt safe.

“As always you call me whenever you need me, alright, I’m never more than ten minutes away.” Armie told Techie, holding him by the shoulders. “And you’re always welcome to come over whenever you want, okay, I didn’t just give you that key for emergencies. My home is your home. Understand?”

Techie nodded profusely, glancing at Matt, trying to telepathically communicate to his brother to stop embarrassing him. Armie smirked.

“Well. I’ll be off. I have a…meeting.” Armie slipped out the door, the brothers exchanging a salute as he did.

Left alone, Techie and Matt stared at their shoes, then each other, then their shoes again, in the awkward dance of young burgeoning love.

“Welcome back to the floor.” Matt said.

“Great to be here.”

A long, awkward pause. Suddenly: “Oh! I almost forgot, I made you something. Wait here.”

Matt zipped out the door and down the hall. He returned bent low, holding onto a cord of some sort that dragged along the floor.

“Ok, uh, we’ll put this here…” Matt snaked the cord along the wall and up to the nightstand, where he wrapped it around the lamp once and set the end, which was tied to a red Air Hockey paddle, on the top of the nightstand. In the bowl-like part of the paddle, Matt had installed a round press-button. “Go ahead and press it.”

Techie looked at Matt curiously and reached out tentative fingers. He pressed the button.

Matt said, “now come with me.” 

They jogged five doors down the hall to Matt’s room. Entering, Techie saw what looked like a portable police siren flashing red beside Matt’s desk, blinking in time with a medium-loud bell sound. Techie, still confused, followed Matt back to his own room. 

“Press the button again, but hold it for 5 seconds this time.” Matt said, gesturing to the air hockey paddle. Techie did as instructed. 

“That turned it off,” said Matt. “Only your device can turn it off, that way sleep-me can’t decide to ignore you.”

“Wha...what is this for?”

“For whatever.” Matt shrugged. “For whenever you need me. If you get scared or anxious or whatever, you just hit the button and I’ll come runnin’. I was thinking maybe you could even try sleeping with it. Then you could learn to press it during your night terrors, and I can come wake you up from them."

“Wow.” Techie said, unable to say anything else.

“Is…” Matt rocked on his toes, nervous. “Is it okay? I just want you to feel safe, y’know, and…it’s too much, isn’t it?”

Techie stepped forward and wrapped his skinny arms around Matt’s neck. Matt, in return, put a hand loosely on the small of Techie’s back. When Techie squeezed tight, though, Matt responded in kind, holding onto Techie’s waist as if life depended on it. Techie’s whisper was so quiet, his voice so shaky trying to hold back tears, when he said, “This is the sweetest, most selfless thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

He pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against Matt’s. Their breath intermingled between them.

“Thank you.” Techie breathed. Matt, never confident with his words, kissed him in response.

 

Cuddled together in Techie’s bed, Matt’s head resting on Techie chest, Techie playing with Matt’s curls mindlessly, Techie couldn’t ignore the question beating about in his brain. He wanted to, of course. Why question something so good? But he couldn’t just accept something so wonderful at face value. There had to be something else going on. And the sooner he found it out, the better.

“Matt?”

“Mm?”

“Why do you like me so much?”

Matt raised his head sleepily. “What do you mean? You’re great. Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s just…you’re going like  _ really _ out of your way to be amazing to me. And I’m glad for it, it makes me really happy, but I…I just don’t get it. We haven’t known each other very long, I’m not good looking or funny, I don’t have money, I’m not even having sex with you….I just don’t understand why you care so much about me, and want to do so much for me, already. I’m not worth all that effort you put in.”

“Techie…” Matt slowly rolled off of Techie’s chest and pushed himself into a sitting position. He scooted closer to Techie, his knees against Techie’s leg, and took one of his hands in both of his own. “You are so worth it. You’re amazing.”

“I’m not, though. I don’t understand why you think so. I’m just some skinny, greasy-haired freak who’s scared of his own shadow and has zero social skills. I feel like all I am is this terrified bundle of nervous energy that needs constant protection. Your interest in me is, like, baffling.”

“You want me to tell you why I think you’re amazing?”

“Yes.” Techie looked down. “But not in a fishing for compliments kind of way. I genuinely don’t understand.”

Matt laughed lightly, but when he saw the pained confusion on Techie’s face, he stopped. “Ok. Well. I think you’re brilliant. Remember at the end of last semester, when you came up with that back-turn routine that reduced our task time by 200%? That was amazing and so creative and smart. I was like,  _ who is this genius?? _ And so I started paying more attention to what you were doing, at meets and stuff. I wanted to see what else you could come up with. And the more I watched…I started to notice how  _ beautiful _ you are.”

Techie, avoiding eye contact, shook his head.

“Really.” Matt insisted. “Your lips are so full and your eyes are so blue and your skin is so smooth-looking, soft. You have this almost elfin or fairy-like look to you. Sort of…not human. Ethereal and make-believe, like out of a painting. But you  _ are _ real, you’re so real and, like,  _ yourself _ , all the time. And maybe that’s because, like me, you don’t really have the social skills to pretend to be something else, but I think that’s a good thing. And don’t even get me started on your hair…”

Matt reached out and softly stroked a few strands that hung in Techie’s face. He pushed them back, tucking them behind Techie’s ear. Matt grinned at the sight of Techie’s face. “And your freckles, and the way your nose scrunches up when you’re unsure about something…Jesus, I’m starting to sound like a stalker or something, aren’t I?  _ When I stared at you all the time, my pretty…. _ I can stop—”

“No.” Techie’s voice was small but clear. He blushed at his own eagerness. “I mean, um, you can, uh. You can keep going. If you want.”

Matt chuckled. “You’re very sweet, too, Techie. You’re always going out of your way to help the others on the team. I’ve seen you offer to finish Poe and Mitaka’s codes so they could go hang out with their friends. I’ve seen you offer to walk Rey and Jess home at night even though they live on the other side of campus and you’re scared to walk alone, too. I’ve seen you help Finn with his homework, and you’re so gentle and reassuring even when he gets frustrated. And, like you have some special power or something, you always smile at me right when I really need it. Before we’d even really ever spoken, even. Are you starting to get it? You’re like this magical genius beautiful angel thing, but also a hot Robotics tech I can geek out with about stuff no one else wants to talk about. You're just so... _lovely._ How could I not think you’re amazing?”

Techie was definitely crying, but would be damned if he let Matt see. He hugged Matt tight, wanting to give him closeness without letting him see his face. Matt rubbed circles on his back. “You’re warm, too.” Matt said. “Like a personal space heater.”

Techie laughed and squeezed tighter. “Thank you, Matt. For everything.”

“Of course, Techie. You deserve it.”

“I think you’re amazing, too. And sweet and handsome and funny and creative and smart and sexy and also so, so patient. Which I really need. And really, really appreciate. _ ” _

The pair broke the hug and Techie wiped a sleeve across his eyes. Matt leaned in and brushed a little kiss along the sweep of Techie’s cheekbone, where a tear was streaking slowly. Techie blushed even harder than before and buried his face in his hands, embarrassed.

“Did you know red is my favorite color?” Matt said.

“Since you were a kid?” Techie asked.

“No.” Matt leaned forward and kissed the crown of Techie’s head, the smooth wires of his bright hair brushing against them, tickling. “Just since I met you.”

Techie wriggled and twisted as if waking from a serene dream, landing still with his head slumped against Matt’s chest. “You’re too good.”

“Nah.”

“I don’t want to be a useless damsel. You shouldn’t have to be my bodyguard.”

“I just want you to feel safe.”

“I know.” The warmth of the dim light in the room, of their bodies together, was like a drug. Techie felt drowsy, words harder to grasp. “And I wanna do the same for you. I feel sort of…helpless. You’re being an amazing boyfriend to me.”

“So far.” Matt reminded him. “I haven’t had ample time to mess shit up yet.”

Techie smiled. “Still. I want to be an amazing boyfriend to  _ you _ . What kind of stuff can I do to be amazing for you?”

Matt, looking a bit bashful, scooted and slid into a lying-on-his-side position. “You could, um.” Matt felt foolish, appraising their relative sizes. “You could hold me?”

Techie moved faster than Matt had ever seen before, lying beside him and wrapping his arms tight around Matt’s torso. The curled together, fit together so unexpectedly nice. Techie blew little circles of air against Matt’s neck, so perfect and calming, as he ran a finger along the fabric of Matt’s shirt. There was no pressure to do more, no insecurity about what was being done right. Just Techie, happy, holding Matt, blissful, in the quiet. They did not intend to sleep. They just lay in silence, soaking in each other’s warmth, basking in the glow of each other’s presence. Neither were going to say it, not yet, but they were starting to realize that what they were feeling had a name.

Love.


	17. Seventeen

Hux was in makeup for the new Burberry online catalog shoot when his phone buzzed four times in a row. Luckily it was Lucinda, who adored him, doing his makeup today. Some of the other artists he’d worked with would scowl and tell him not to move. Instead, Lucinda handed him his phone from the counter and smiled. Hux read the screen.

 

BRECK: Armie I’m freaking out

BRECK: I really like Matt

BRECK: like really a lot. It scares me

BRECK: I wanna have sex with him this is bad oh my god i’m freaking out Armie help

 

Hux typed out a response.

 

HUX: Deep breath. Are you with him right now?

BRECK: No but we have robotics in a couple hours and we’re supposed to hang out after and i’m really nervous i’m afraid i’m gonna do something i shouldn’t

HUX: Ok. Why do you think you shouldn’t sleep with him?

BRECK: Because

HUX: ??

BRECK: He’s gonna think I’m a freak

HUX: ?? No he isn’t.

BRECK: Wouldn’t you be weirded out by someone like me?

HUX: What, cuz of your KS? So what?

BRECK: I look weird

HUX: No you don’t.

BRECK: I do he’s not going to want to be with me

HUX: Breck he’s fucking obsessed with you. No one that likes you that much is going to be turned off by something so minor. Seriously. Relax.

BRECK: Should I explain first? Or just jump in and hope he doesn’t notice? Keep clothes on and lights off?

HUX: Idk. Explain maybe so he doesn’t spend too much time wondering about it. But I don’t think you should worry about it. He’s really into you. 

HUX: If you’re that scared, then wait. You can always start and then stop if you need to, too. You’ll know what to do in the moment.

BRECK: Idk why you think I will. I don’t know what to do ever.

HUX: It’s instinctual. Trust me. It’s going to be okay. 

 

“Hux,” Lucinda said, snapping Hux back into the real world. “Your face is getting all creasy, relax. What’s bugging you?”

“Sorry.” Hux tried to destress and unwrinkle his face. “I’m fine, my little brother is having a tough time is all. First relationship drama.”

“Aww,” Lucinda cooed. “That’s adorable. How old is he?”

“19.”

“Oh.” Lucinda grabbed the highlighter and went to work. “Tough time, huh? Somewhere between teen and adult. Hard times. What’s his issue? Girlfriend not ready to give up the goods yet?”

“Really, Lucinda? That’s so old-fashioned of you.”

“I’m sorry, Huxy. Colloquialisms, y’know.”

Hux looked back down at his phone, worried. Breck was taking a long time to response compared to usual. “He’s just self-conscious about his body. He gets very anxious.”

“My 14 year old daughter is the same way,” Lucinda said as she began the finishing touches. “Tee-shirt in the pool kind of kid. I don’t know what can be done about it.”

Hux’s phone finally buzzed. Twice, actually.

 

BRECK: Ok. I hope ur right. Call me later if u can. Thanx.

 

And, at the same time:

 

BEN FUCKING SOLO: hey red, what u doing tonite? I downloaded the wicker man. not the beeeeez. wanna cum ovr?

 

Hux breathed out a loud sigh. The five minute warning was called, and he knew he needed to started putting Breck’s problems and Ben’s… _ being _ out of his mind so he could get in some good shots—there was nothing worse than his preoccupied thoughts being pasted on his photographed face. He put his phone on silent and set it down out of reach, imagined himself on an isolated beach, and counted backwards by 4 from 80. Then it was time to strike some poses.


	18. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cw for:  
> Body image issues  
> Somewhat cisnormative discussion of bodies
> 
> Also this chapter is more sexually explicit, viewer discretion advised

The Thursday afternoon robotics meeting felt like torture for Techie, who couldn’t stop staring at, thinking about, obsessing over Matt. They worked on other sides of the big, windowless white room in the science building basement. Techie and the other programmers, Rey and Poe, worked in the southwest corner, while the engineers—Matt, Finn, Jeremy, and Jess—worked with the obstacle table and building materials on the north side of the room. Techie could hardly focus on the routines he was writing. Every so often, Matt would look up from across the room and send a beaming smile to Techie, who would blush, wave meekly, and then stare at his computer screen while his ears burned. Rey kept nudging him gently and going “ehh? Ehhhhh?” Techie tried to ignore it all.

Techie’s phone buzzed. A message from his brother.

 

ARMIE: How are you doing? Check your Google Drive, I made a Powerpoint about KS. You could use it to explain things to Matt, if you want. 

 

Techie smiled. Armie’s ways of helping and love of Powerpoints were kind of strange, but it was really thoughtful for him to do that, especially given how busy he was.

 

TECHIE: Thank u Armie. Really appreci8 it :)

Techie didn’t open it for review, afraid of Rey or Poe glancing over and seeing it. He was confident, though, that Armie had done a thorough job. The theme was probably aesthetically pleasing, as well.

Techie stared at the firm expanse of shoulders across the way. When they moved up in a stretch, his eyes moved to the exposed tan skin between the hem of Matt’s shirt and the black elastic of his Calvin Klein briefs. Attempting to regulate his breathing, Techie stared at his own shoes, counting the specks of dirt to calm himself. Soon, however, a deep voice startled him.

“Hey.” Techie whipped his head up to see Matt standing in front of him, smiling. His curls were especially askew as he’d been running his hands through them, stressed about a new tool he was struggling to affix to the bot. Techie was hypnotized by the way the gray tee-shirt material fell over those shoulders, that chest, that firm-like-a-damn-rock stomach. 

Techie gulped. “Hi.”

“We’re finished with building for today. How much do you have left to program?”

“Oh, um, like—”

“He’s all done!” Rey chirped. “You guys should head to dinner.”

“Cool,” said Matt, heading to a table to grab his bag and jacket.

Techie looked at Rey, wondering why she lied for him. “You don’t have to do that.” He said.

Rey grinned. “It’s fine, Tech, I’m in no hurry. It’s just obstacle 8 you didn’t finish, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Poe and I can finish that together. Go have fun.”

Techie looked over at Poe, who simply smiled and winked. 

“Th-thank you. I…thank you, a lot.”

Poe and Rey grinned and shooed him away. Dizzy on unexpected kindness, Techie rose and joined Matt, beginning to gather his own things.

Matt smiled. “Pizza and a movie at my place?”

“Sure,” Techie wrapped his scarf around his neck. “I was headed that way, anyway.”

 

After a delicious pepperoni pizza and a hate-viewing of the first Robocop film, Techie and Matt found themselves in a very heavy makeout session. Techie was getting a bit concerned—he was worried they could only do this for so long before Matt wanted more. No, not wanted,  _ needed. _ Both Matt and Techie  _ wanted _ more, ASAP, but Techie was concerned both of their patience was wearing thin. His hands running up the smooth, firm skin under Matt’s shirt, the sensation of their hard cocks crashing together, the throbbing heat he couldn’t ignore… _ fuck _ , he wanted it.  

“Stop, please.” Techie gasped, pulling away from Matt. Matt took his hands off Techie’s body and propped his head up on his hand, concerned.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just…it’s getting pretty, y’know. Intense.”

Matt sat up on the bed and nodded. “You’re right. Too hot’n’heavy, huh? I get that you’re not ready. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry. I like it, and I  _ want _ to do more, it’s just…”

“You’re scared?”

Techie sat up, too, pulling his knees to his chest. “Yeah.”

“Well, I mean, there’s no reason we have to go right to the so-called main event. We can do other stuff. Plus, if it’s the pain you’re worried about, I can always—”

“It isn’t that.”

Matt looked surprised. “Oh. Okay. Then what is it?”

Techie sighed. “I…I’m afraid for you to see me naked.”

“What? Why? Techie, I think you’re gorgeous.” Matt reached out and stroked a bit of Techie’s hair, pushing it behind his ear. “You know that, right?”

“You haven’t seen me without clothes, though. You’re not gonna like it.”

“I like your body, Tech.”

Techie shook his head. “You don’t know what it really looks like, Matt. Okay? You have no idea.”

Matt jolted upright, taken aback by the edge in Techie’s voice. “What is the issue here, man?”

Techie took a deep breath. “I have this…condition. And my body looks…different.”

“Do you have like a mouth on your stomach or something?”

Techie almost laughed. “No, I, um. Ok, how much do you know about genetics and stuff?”

Matt shrugged. “I got a B in Human Biology.”

“Okay. Well.” Techie debated pulling out his laptop and setting up the Powerpoint, but ultimately decided against it. He could send it to Matt as supplementary material after. That is, if Matt still wanted anything to do with him. “What are the male sex chromosomes, typically?”

“XY.” Matt answered. “Like Kyle XY, the guy without a belly button.”

Techie chuckled. “Yes. Ok. Well, my situation is a little different. XXY. Which results in me having this thing called Klinefelter Syndrome. Have you heard of that?”

Matt shook his head. Techie continued. “Well, it affects my hormones and stuff, and I…I…” Techie couldn’t control the trembling of his lip or the wet heat in his eyes. Matt pulled him into a tight hug and rocked them together.

“I don’t know if you trust me yet,” Matt whispered. “I understand if you don’t, but I hope you do. But please believe me right now, okay? There’s nothing you could tell me that would make me not want to be with you. If you have a mouth on your stomach, fine. A foot growing out of your foot? I don’t care. Three dicks? The more the merrier. Please. Please don’t be afraid.”

Techie choked out a single sob but Matt’s tight embrace did begin to calm him. He took several deep breaths and buried his face in Matt’s stubbly, sweet smelling neck. “Is this like the fourth time I’ve cried in front of you?” He managed to chuckle. 

“Something like that.” Matt said.

“And we’ve been seeing each other how long?”

Matt just laughed and stroked Techie’s hair. “I’ll try to make it even, if you like. Next week can be mine to cry. I’ve got some deep-seated issues I can dredge up.”

 Techie felt a glowing warmth all through his body. Matt really did care about him. He trusted him. Freeing himself from Matt’s hold, he sat back on his heels and prepared himself.

“Ok. I’m just gonna show you.” Techie said. “It’s easier than talking. Are you ready?”

Matt nodded. “Whenever you are.”

Techie fingered the soft hem of his loose navy sweater. Slowly, he pulled it over his head. “If you ever wondered why I always wear so many layers…” he mumbled, now pulling at the gray long sleeve thermal. He heard the staticky crackle of the fabric against his hair and took a deep breath. One layer left. Matt could probably see by now. If he did, though, he didn’t say anything. Techie reached behind him and pulled his black tank top from behind. And now he was bare, exposed to Matt, eyes squeezed shut, afraid to be seen.

“Oh.”

Matt took him in. Techie’s skin looked soft, pale, freckled—all expected. But he was a bit surprised by the tender fat concentrated in his hips. Even more surprising were the small pink buds of his chest, round, slightly pointed, and creamy white.

“You see why I didn’t want to show you?”

Matt smiled softly. “You’re beautiful, Techie. You’re just…lovely.”

“I’m freakish.”

“No.” Matt shook his head, golden curls flopping in a flurry. “Not at all.” Matt leaned forward tentatively, wanting to kiss Techie but not knowing if it was the right moment. Techie closed the distance, and Matt, encouraged, responded in full force, pulling Techie practically into his lap. He could taste the salt of Techie’s tears on his lips, but the way his hand fit on the curved small of his back, the tickle of the long red strands on his skin…Matt was hypnotized. 

He detached for a moment to discard his own shirt, but when he leaned back in Techie stopped him, slim fingers on Matt’s pecs. “You’re so perfect,” Techie sighed, entranced by the hard lines and muscles on Matt’s torso. “This is what I  _ should  _ look like. Feel like.”

“I like you as you are,” said Matt, “but if you care that much, you could come to the gym with me? I could show you my routine—”

Techie shook his head. “I’ve tried. I just don’t have the potential for that much muscle mass. It’s part of the condition. My muscle and fat distribution resemble a more female body type.”

“Aren’t there, like, shots and stuff?”

Techie nodded. “I get testosterone injections every few weeks, but it only does so much.”

“Can I ask…” Matt paused, finding the words. “I mean, it doesn’t matter, but…nevermind.”

“You wanna know if my junk is normal?”

Matt nodded. “Yeah. If you’re okay with talking about it.”      

“My dick is normal. But my balls are pretty small, and I haven’t had a sperm count or anything, but most XXY guys don't produce much.”

Matt smiled. “Well I wasn’t exactly hoping you’d impregnate me.”

“I’m sorry I don’t look like how you hoped.”

Matt slinked an arm around Techie’s waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “How do you know?”

“I doubt you were hoping for a boyfriend with fucking breasts.”

“Techie. I don’t care. I think you’re lovely.  _ All _ of you. Can I…is it alright if I touch you, there? Or do you not want me to?”

“Y-you can, if you want to.”

Matt reached out gently and felt the soft flesh of the left in his hand. It was small, not heavy at all, a little squishy. Touching his lips to Techie’s, he brushed the pad of his thumb over Techie’s dark pink nipple. Techie shivered. “Is that ok?” Matt whispered into the minuscule space between their mouths. Techie nodded, throwing his arms tight around Matt’s neck and pressing into him. They explored each other with their hands, each in deep admiration of the other—soft, hard, smooth, rough, big, small, freckled, spotted—all these words described both of their bodies, just in different amounts and places. Techie found he especially loved running his fingers over Matt’s shoulder blades, while Matt discovered a love of running his palms up and down the slight curves from Techie’s hips up to his armpits, where he tickled the dark red hair of Techie’s underarms, eliciting the cutest laugh Matt had ever heard. As they kissed and licked and sucked and stroked and groped, the minutes ticked by and their eyes grew heavy. Yes, they were excited and eager for more, but both were feeling drained from the day and the emotional exhaustion of the evening.

“What do you think,” Matt said after pressing little kisses to Techie’s forehead, “of sleeping together tonight? Just sleeping. I’m sorry but I’m  _ really _ tired.”

Fear flashed in Techie’s eyes.

“No, no,” Matt sputtered. “I don’t  _ not _ want to be with you now, are you kidding? Tomorrow. I think we should tomorrow. Friday night, we can go out and have a good dinner first, if you want? My treat. I just…I thought it might be a good idea for us to sleep together, dressed in very little, or even, nothing? If you want? So you can get comfortable with me being comfortable with your body.”

Techie looked into Matt’s eyes, trying hard to discern how honest Matt was being. 100% he concluded. Techie nodded. “Okay. Yes.”

They shared a smile and a kiss, then rose from the bed to undress further, kicking off their jeans and underwear. Techie blinked a bit at Matt’s size—Techie was average and expected Matt to be as well, but  _ holy shit _ . “You’re fucking gigantic,” Techie mumbled in awe.

Matt blushed. “No, uh, I’m just  _ really _ hard.”

“Still. Jesus.”

“Well, you’re not the only one who’s self-conscious about body stuff.” Matt sighed, lying back against the wall. He held open the covers and Techie scooted in next to him, wriggling his round, adorable little ass against Matt.  _ “Fuck _ ,” Matt moaned aloud at both the sensation and the pretty picture. He palmed Techie’s left ass cheek and sighed.

“Don’t be self-conscious about your monster cock, Mattie.” Techie said, grinding against it sleepily. Now that he wasn’t afraid of Matt’s reaction to his body anymore, he was pretty goddamn open in his wanton horniness. “I find it terrifyingly exciting.” Matt flushed and brushed Techie’s hair over one shoulder, kissing the back of his neck while trailing a tentative couple of fingers over Techie’s length. Techie shuddered with pleasure, then twisted in Matt’s arms to face him.

Matt felt another flush of warmth at seeing Techie’s face so close, the gorgeous blue of his eyes hypnotizing. “I know it’s, like,  _ really _ early, but…I think I kind of love you.”

Techie bit his lip, feeling the heat behind his eyes again. He blinked it away. No more crying tonight. “I think I kind of love you, too, Matt.”

They smiled and laughed and kissed and clung to one another. Their eyes heavy with sleep, drowsiness taking over their horniness, Matt turned off the lamp and the pair settled into their soft, skin-to-skin spoon shape for sleep. Matt’s arm draped over Techie’s waist, the two breathed in time with one another, drifting in and out of the world of sleep.

“G’night, Techie, the loveliest man I've ever met,” Matt mumbled into the sweet-smelling hair he adored.

Techie smiled and settled into the serenity crawling over him. “Goodnight, Matt.”


	19. Nineteen

Yes, the bees. 

Hux caved and went to Ben’s place after his shoot, despite knowing better. He had a lot of stuff to work on, not to mention it was time for his biweekly kitchen and bathroom deep clean. But for some unknown reason, he hung a left when he should’ve made a right, and ended up outside Ben’s apartment.

They would get some work done on their project, he rationalized. They would be productive.

Ben had other ideas.

“This is my favorite movie of all time,” Ben said when they were about five minutes into  _ The Wicker Man _ . Hux scoffed in disbelief.

“Ironically, of course?”

“Nope,” Ben grinned. “I mean, I certainly don’t think it’s the highest quality movie ever made, but I enjoy watching it more than anything else. Plus, I looove Nic Cage.”

“You’re sick.” Hux sighed, but he didn’t object to the arm coming down around his shoulders, or the empty space between them quickly moving closed as Ren scooted into him. He wanted to roll his eyes and fling Ben’s arm off of him, but he didn’t. A warmth spread through him. He didn’t like it.

“What’s your favorite movie?” Ben asked.

“If you like this damn film so much, why are you talking through it?”

“I’ve seen it plenty of times.” Ben hand crept up against the soft hairs on the back of Hux’s neck, stroking. It’s too soft and intimate. Hux had scolded many men before for doing exactly this. Hux said nothing. “So, what’s your favorite movie?”

Hux sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t think I have one.”

“Sure you do, everyone does. Except the Amish. But they would, if they were allowed to watch them. If I was an Amish kid and went on Rumpspringer or whatever, that’s probably the first thing I’d do. Go see a movie.”

Hux rolled his eyes. Why did he put up with this complete dumbass? “I quite enjoy Kubrick, I suppose. 2001 and The Shining might be my favorites, if I had to pick. I like Apocalypse Now a lot, too.”

“You don’t like to laugh a whole lot, do you?”

“There are some funny bits in The Shining.”

Ben shook his head and returned his attention to the movie. Hux did the same. After five minutes of stifled yawns and complete boredom, Hux moved his hand to Ben’s upper thigh.

“This movie is terrible. Let’s fuck instead.”

Ben gave him an unreadable look. “Really?”

“That’s why you asked me over anyway, isn’t it?”

“I…” Ben looked down and moved his lips ever so slightly, as if trying to compose a sentence. “Um, okay.”

“What?” Hux snapped harshly. “Jesus, Ben, are you offended because I don’t want to watch the rest of the most meme’d film of all time? Grow up, Solo.”

“I just…wanted to share something I like with you.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but this was a bad pick.”

“Fine.” A hard edge replaced the hurt tone in Ben’s voice. Ben picked up his remote and clicked off the TV aggressively.

 Christ. Hux knew he should leave it at that, but for whatever reason, he felt compelled to say something...ugh,  _ nice.  _ “I really liked the album you gave me.”

“Huh?”

“The Cure. I really enjoyed it. I do appreciate the sentiment, really, of wanting to share something you like with me. The Cure was a good one.  _ The Wicker Man _ , however, just isn’t my cup of tea.”

“You really liked the CD?”

“I did. A lot. So much that I looked up a bunch of their other stuff. They’re really fantastic, actually. I can’t believe I’ve never given them a real listen before.”

“Wow. Okay, well, did you listen to…” And Ben went on and on, babbling on about how The Cure changed his life, and he used to want to be just like Robert Smith, and that if Hux  _ really  _ wanted to understand the music he’d need to find some b-sides, but Ben would make him a mix, if he wanted, and—  

“Did you listen to  _ So _ ?” Hux asked.

“Hmm?”

“The album  _ I _ gave  _ you _ ? The greatest album of all time?”

“Oh, um,” Ben blushed. “No. I’m sorry. I didn’t get to it yet.”

“Jesus,” Hux rolled his eyes and chuckled. “And you were going to shame me for not liking that godawful movie? Oh, the irony, Benjamin. Unbelievable.”

“I’m sorry! I meant to, but I kept…” Ben lowered his head. “I guess I was afraid.”

“Afraid of Peter Gabriel? That’s a new one.”  

Ben laughed. “No, afraid that, like…afraid I would read into the music too much. Like, afraid that I would be convinced that the love songs were you trying to tell me how you felt…even though I know, logically, that you  _ don’t _ , like, love me or anything even resembling it. And that’s okay. I guess. But I didn’t want the music to make me, like, emotionally invested when there’s obviously no chance of anything…real.”

Hux was silent. He knew Ben was into him, but assumed it was all physical, sexual.  _ Feelings _ , though? Really? 

Shit.

“Oh, um.” Hux shifted a bit, pulling away from Ben, studying him from his new distance. “I see. Well. Maybe…” Hux sighed. He should leave. He should leave right now, delete Ben’s number, and tell Snoke he had to quit the project. Because this was ridiculous. He should not be involved with Ben Solo. Sexually, casually, that was alright, he supposed. But something more? Feelings, potential relationship garbage with this...this… 

Ben’s eyes, warm, golden, watched Hux intently, the smooth lines of his face drawn in anticipation. “Why don’t we listen to it now?” Hux asked, despite knowing better. “Together?”

Ben grinned. “Okay. Yeah. Yeah, let me go grab it!”

Ben made his way to the bedroom while Hux shook his head. He was going to regret this. He knew it.

Ben returned moments later, holding the CD case in his mouth as his hands were occupied with a bottle of lube, several condoms, and some sort of electric sex device Hux couldn’t identify from this distance. Setting down his gear and taking the CD from his mouth, Ben shrugged. “For after. If the mood strikes.”

Ben took the CD to his stereo and started it up. Hux couldn’t fight the magnet that drew his eyes to Ben’s shaggy dark hair, his broad shoulders and strong back, his firm ass. Fuck, thought Hux. This was going to be a long night.


	20. Twenty

A real romantic date. Out. At a restaurant. In public. Where there were other people. Strangers. And fancy food and candles, even, maybe? Techie was spiraling. He called his brother to ask what he should he wear. Armie was over with a small suitcase and a few dry-cleaning bags in 15 minutes.

“Now this really makes your eyes pop,” Armie said, holding a blue-gray Calvin Klein sweater up to Techie’s frame, “but  _ this _ one is gorgeous against your hair.” Armie swapped in a pastel pink Banana Republic button-up.

“I don’t like pink,” Techie said.

“Fine, how about this?”

Armie produced a mustard yellow cable knit sweater. It was thick enough to hide the areas Techie didn't like, especially with the cream thermal Armie handed him underneath. Armie urged him to try it on, along with black skinny jeans and leather loafers. Techie looked at himself in the mirror—he looked pretty damn good.

“And wear this with it,” said Armie, tossing a Burberry navy peacoat his way. “And then keep all of this. Looks way better on you than it does on me.”

“Armie, no, I—”

“Can I try something with your hair?”

“Uh…”

“Trust me.” Armie found a comb and sat Techie down on the edge of the bed. Standing over him, he combed the long red strands straight back over the crown of Techie’s head. Then, using the tail, he made a part over Techie’s left eye. Combing it out and guiding the locks this way and that, Armie smiled. Techie’s classic middle part had an endearing quality, but Armie felt it was a time for a change. When he held a mirror up to Techie and saw him bite back a smile, he knew he did the right thing.

“I look…cool.” Techie whispered in disbelief.

Armie laughed. “Yes.”

Techie shook his head about, watching the way the front strands that fell over his right eye moved with the motion. He stood up in front of the full-length mirror, now with the coat on, and admired himself. He pushed some hair behind his left ear and smiled, taking it in. “I look so grown up. And so… _ good _ .”

“And all you had to do was move your part an inch or two,” Armie beamed. He pulled one last thing out of his bag—a soft blue and green striped scarf—and styled it effortlessly around Techie’s neck. “Perfect. You could be a part-time model like your ol’ brother, eh? How bout a picture?”

“Armie, no—”

But it was too late. Armie had his phone out and was snapping away. “Smile for one! Techie’s big night! Say ‘I’m getting fucked tonight!’”

Techie grit his teeth but couldn’t hide his blush. “I will not.”

“Fine. How about…um—”

A knock on the door was Techie’s salvation. He peeked through the peephole in the window. Matt. 

“He’s here,” Techie told Armie. “No pictures I guess. Bummer.”

“Don’t worry,” Armie grinned and put his phone in his pocket. “I had it recording video.” Before Techie could respond, Armie had slipped out the door, offering Techie a wink. Through the now-closed door, Techie could hear Armie giving Matt a lecture.

“Listen up, Matthew. If you make him unhappy, you’ll be sorry, understand? I’ve got lots of connections, I’m a master of blackmail, and if your fear tends more towards the physical, I have a large scary sex friend who does whatever I say. So. Watch yourself.”

Techie heard Matt stutter out a “yes, sir,” and then the familiar boot clack of Hux heading down the hallway. Matt knocked again. Techie took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Hi—”

“Holy shit.” Matt stood, dumbfounded, staring at Techie. 

“What?” Techie felt cold anxiety creeping up the veins in his arms. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, just…” Matt stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “You look so fucking good, Tech. I mean you always look good but  _ wow—” _

Techie cut him off, grabbing Matt’s face and pulling it to his own. Matt’s hands found their favorite places—right on the small of Techie’s back, left cradling the base of his skull. Techie tasted three kinds of mint on Matt, a combination, he guessed, of toothpaste, mouthwash, and chapstick. There was nothing graceful about these crashings-together, but Techie loved every second of them, and was sure Matt, did, too. The hungry roaming of hands, the heavy breaths, the twitching smiles between kisses… _ fuck. _ He couldn’t wait till after dinner.

But yes, he could. Techie pulled away, then gave a small peck to Matt’s cheek. He stood there, Matt’s arms circling his waist, trying to calm himself. He was so nervous. What if he was no good? What if Matt was disappointed? He tentatively reached out a hand to smooth Matt’s shirt. “We should probably get going, right? Don’t want to lose the reservation?”

“Right,” Matt nodded, eyes cloudy. “Yes, you’re right.” Matt brushed a stray red strand behind Techie’s ear and grinned. “Fuck, you look good,” he sighed.

Techie bit back his grin while finding his wallet and phone, then putting them in the pockets of his coat. “You look pretty good yourself,” Techie said as he pulled the door closed behind them and locked it, before pocketing his keychain in his coat. “Do you have contacts in?”

“Yeah, they’re kind of special-occasion-only.” Matt blushed. Although Techie adored Matt’s glasses, he loved this unobstructed view of Matt’s gorgeous dark brown eyes. He wore a chambray button up with a black v-neck sweater and new dark jeans. Nothing too fancy, but a noticeable departure from his usual uniform of thrift store band tees, flannels, and worn-in jeans or cargo pants (which Techie adored, too). They made their way down the hall, to the elevator, then down to the parking lot where Matt’s rusty car sat, waiting. Matt rushed ahead and opened the passenger’s door, sweeping his arms in a grand gesture to give Techie the royal welcome to his vehicle. Techie laughed, bowed, and settled into the leather seat. A second later, Matt was next to him in the driver’s seat, putting the car in Drive. 

“You hungry?” Matt asked as they pulled away.

“Starving,” Techie replied. “And, uh,” Techie chuckled prematurely at his own bad joke, “and thirsty.”

Matt glanced at Techie with a big grin. He decided he didn’t need his right hand to steer, so he placed it on Techie’s warm thigh, a safe distance from the danger zone. Techie placed his own hand atop it and squeezed. “Me too,” said Matt. “Parched.”


	21. Twenty One

After helping Breck get ready for his Big Date, Hux was planning on a quiet night in with some wine and Project Runway marathons. Too bad the first episode was interrupted with the Worst News Ever.

“We’re coming to visit!” Hux’s mother shouted through the phone in her thick Irish brogue. The woman seemed to think that the further away you are from someone, the louder you need to speak. On the goddamn phone.

“You’ve got to be joking,” Hux deadpanned. His parents had never visited. They had been on campus exactly twice: When Hux first moved in for his freshman year, and when he graduated undergrad. They didn’t even help Breck move in—they had Hux take care of that. And they only lived a two-hour drive away.

“Not joking!” Eavan Hux shouted. “Your father has a few meetings in the city so we thought we’d stop by, maybe take you boys out to dinner?”

“Dad has meetings in the city all the time. Why now? Are you dying or something?”

“Don’t be so silly, Armitage. We’ll be checking into our hotel around noon tomorrow. Are you free tomorrow evening for dinner?”

“Well I was going to—”

“Grand. Let’s say seven o’clock. We can pick you up, of course. I’ll call Breck. He’ll be free, right?”

“No. Um, I don’t know. I’ll call him, though. He’s busy tonight.”

“Busy?” Eavan sounded shocked. “On a Friday night?  _ Breck? _ ”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Does he have friends now?”

“Yes, he’s doing very well. Not that you care.”

“Oh, Armitage, please! Of course we care. I’ll be sure to ask him all about his newly blooming social life tomorrow at dinner. Where shall we go? For sushi, perhaps?”

“Breck is allergic to fish, Mom. Remember?”

“Right. Of course.” Eavan paused, as if taking a moment to rifle through old medical records in the file cabinet of her memory. Then, uneasily, she asked, “that’s not a euphemism, is it, Armitage?”

Hux wished she could see him roll his eyes through the phone. “No, Mom.”

“Alright. No sushi. But…is he… _ were  _ it a euphemism, would it still hold true? As it would for you?”

“Are you asking me if Breck is gay, Mom?”

Hux could practically see Eavan stiffening on the other end. “Yes, I suppose I am.”

“I don't know. But even if I did, that’s not really for me to answer. You can ask him yourself tomorrow. Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t tell you anything, though—it’s not like you ever talk to him.”

“Armitage, I know you wish we communicated more, I do, too! We just get so busy, and—”

“You don’t have a job, Mom!” Hux’s voice was starting to reach the shrill volume of his mother’s. “What do you do all goddamn day that you can’t call your sons just to say hi once in awhile?”

Eavan fell silent. He knew her tricks, though. She’d be quiet, act so hurt she can’t even speak. Then, she’ll sniffle. Still say nothing. Until you break down, and you say, “Mom, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it—”

Hux didn’t feel like that routine tonight. He hit the end call button on his phone. He didn’t put it down, however. Instead, he opened up his text app and typed a new message to Ben Fucking Solo.

 

HUX: Does your family suck?

BEN FUCKING SOLO: Ye. Urs?

HUX: Terribly. Want to come over and discuss, then drown in wine with me?

BEN FUCKING SOLO: be rite there :)


	22. Twenty Two

Dinner was nice. Heeding his brother’s warning, Techie avoided anything spicy or greasy. When the meal was over, they each paid for the other’s food, then hopped in Matt’s car, over-eager to climb into bed. Techie’s brow furrowed in confusion, however, when Matt made a left instead of a right.

“Are we stopping for supplies or something?” he asked Matt. “Because I have stuff in my room.” Techie was referring, of course, to the "Sexmergency Kit" Armie had presented him with. 

“No, um,” Matt drummed his thumbs against the steering wheel and bit the inside of his lip. He was too nervous and too excited. “I was thinking about how small and uncomfortable our dorm beds are. And like, we can make do and still have a good time, and we will. But since it’s our first time together, I thought it might be nice to have a little, like, luxury, I guess. So I got us a hotel room.” Matt glanced sideways at Techie but could read no expression. “I hope that’s okay.”

Techie thought he saw confetti outside the car. But no, just snow. “That’s more than okay, Matt. That’s amazing. Thank you.”

A grin of relief split Matt’s face in two. “No problem, my love.”

  
  


Check in had been nerve-wracking for Techie, who was sure the front desk lady knew why they were here (they had no luggage but a backpack from Matt’s trunk containing condoms, lube, some underwear, two pairs of flannel PJ pants, and a couple tee shirts) and was afraid she was going to say something scary. But she didn’t. Nor did the bellhop they passed on the way up, or the maid in the hallway near their room. 

Their room. Techie liked rolling that around on his tongue. Theirs. Matt and Techie, a unit. Their room had automatic lights. Their room had a jacuzzi tub. Their room had a California King bed with Sleep Number capabilities. Their room had a lovely view of the skyline. Techie couldn’t believe Matt had done this for him. It was perfect. It was…clearly expensive. 

“Matt…let me pay you back for half of it, okay?”

But Matt would have none of it. “No, sir. It wasn’t that much. My mom works in hotels so I got her discount. And it’s a gift.”

“Didn’t your mom want to know why you needed a hotel room 15 minutes from campus?”

Matt shrugged. “I know her code. I just did it without talking to her. Eventually she’ll see it and ask, but so what? Doesn’t lose her anything.”

Techie accepted that, too excited to harp on the expense any further. He’d plan something nice for them next week that he’d take care of financially—dinner and a play, maybe. Or a concert. He’d think of something. Kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his scarf and coat, Techie made his way to the bed, where he starfished out and breathed deep, eyes fluttering closed. 

“It’s soooo comfy,” he sighed. Next thing he felt was the big thunk of Matt crashing in next to him. Matt rolled so that his ear was pressed to Techie’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. Fast. Techie drew circles on Matt’s back, trying to calm them both. Matt squeezed Techie around the waist. 

“You’re comfy,” Matt mumbled into Techie’s sweater.

Techie pressed his nose into the top of Matt’s hair, inhaling deeply. Coconut. Soft. Matt made a noise and curled further into Techie. 

It came out a whisper. He hadn’t meant for it to. Eyes shut tight, concentrating on sensations of touch, on all the points where his body met Matt’s: head and chest, hand and back, arms and waist, leg and leg. They sunk into the mattress. The whisper hardly climbed up and out. “I love you.”

“I love  _ you _ ,” Matt answered with no hesitation.

Techie couldn’t remember ever feeling more serene.


	23. Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm breaking my every-other-chapter rule. Deal with it.
> 
> Also this chapter is super NSFW

It was all familiar, to begin with. The soft kisses melting into a fully clothed, grasping and groping, frantic makeout session. The ample space of the hotel bed was a nice change—they rolled about, and it was a lot easier to strip down when the time came than it would’ve been in the tiny twin. 

Matt’s shirt went first. Techie practically dove at it when revealed, pressing his lips to Matt’s chest, kissing, licking, sucking. Matt chuckled in surprise and reached for the hem of Techie’s sweater. They pulled it off together, then the layer underneath, and Matt flipped them so that Techie was on his back, head on the fluffy pillows. Matt kissed Techie’s neck, then moved down further, choosing the left nipple to suck on. 

“Oh, shit,” Techie moaned, taken aback by the intense situation.

“Is that okay?” Matt pulled away for a second to ask, and the sudden cold air and loss of contact shocked Techie. With less tenderness than typical for him, he pushed Matt’s face back towards his chest.

“Yes, very okay. Mmm.”

While Matt sucked, he dragged his hand down between them, and finding Techie’s erection, feathered his hand over the fabric of Techie’s pants. Techie shivered.

Rising up on his knees, Matt unbuttoned Techie’s fly and then his own. They both shimmied out of their clothes, quickly and clumsily. Their eyes lingered on the other’s body for a moment: Matt taking in the freckled, creamy skin and soft flesh, slim lines and curved angles, fine golden hairs sprouting from arms, legs, and torso, dark red curls gathering under the navel; Techie admiring the hard, firm lines and muscles, the thighs that could crush a goddamn watermelon, the fine brown hair coating strong limbs, the thick dark hair elsewhere. At the same time, they whispered, “beautiful.”

They locked eyes with a laugh. Matt crashed down into Techie’s arms. Techie yanked him down further with arms around his neck and legs around his back. They were flesh to flesh now. And,  _ oh my god, _ thought Techie,  _ fuuuck _ , hard cock to hard cock, no barrier, oh my god his sex ed teacher would be so disappointed.

“Your…you’ve been tested, right?” Techie whispered.

Matt nodded. “Yeah, a couple weeks ago. I’m good. You?”

Techie snorted. “Literally impossible for me to have anything.”

“Right,” said Matt. “How much…I mean how much do you, like, know?”

Techie wasn’t sure. Enough, he thought. “I have internet access and a brother who overshares so a good amount, I think?”

“Yeah, but what have you done?”

Techie usually felt shame regarding his answer to that question, but not tonight. He was glad his first time would be with Matt. How could it have been anyone else? “Nothing.”

“Nothing at all? But you…I mean, you must…” Matt kept pausing as if waiting for Techie to fill in the blank for him. Techie didn’t know what to fill it with.

“Just say it, whatever it is.”

“You’ve, like,  _ taken care _ of yourself, right?”

“Oh.” Techie flushed. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Well. A handjob is the same technique. Just on a different person,” After grabbing the lube, Matt took Techie’s length in his hand and started stroking while pressing small kisses to his shoulder and neck. 

“I’ve watched porn, Matt,” Techie chuckled. “I know the basics.”

Matt smiled and flushed. “Right. What, uh…what kind of stuff do you watch, usually?”

Techie turned as red as his hair and turned his head away from Matt. “Porn stuff, I don’t know. Oh, fuck that feels good.”

Matt maintained his rhythm and kissed Techie on the mouth. Techie pulled him down again, loving the way it felt when his arms were looped around Matt’s neck, tickled by the blond curls. He bucked his hips up into Matt’s hand, hoping to find Matt’s cock nearby, too. His sense of direction and spatial awareness was all lost, though. He was in a dreamlike state where nothing was totally concrete.

“Are you embarrassed of your porn genres, Tech?” Matt asked with a smirk. He drew out this stroke, torturously long. Techie hissed with pleasure. “Is it weird shit? When I was 15 my favorite porn was a Scooby Doo parody so you can tell me anything.”

Techie cackled and kissed the tip of Matt’s nose. “No, I just…I don’t know. I don’t actually watch that much guy-guy stuff, which may be weird. I do once in awhile, for like research, I guess? But I usually watch masturbation or lesbian porn, actually.”

“Lesbian porn?” Matt looked puzzled and let go of Techie’s dick. “Are you, like, bi or pan or something? It’s totally okay if you are, I just didn’t know, I—”

“No.” Techie brushed a hand through Matt’s hair. “Well, maybe. Women can turn me on, I guess, but I’ve never had a real crush on a girl. So I don’t think so. But a lot of lesbian porn is more like gentle and sensual, which I really like. I haven’t found much gay porn that’s slow and nice like that. I don’t like aggressive stuff, which a lot of straight and gay male porn tends to be. At least in my experience. Maybe I’m just not looking in the right places.”

Matt nodded. “No, I get what you mean.” Matt drew a spiral with his pointer finger on Techie’s soft stomach, then zig-zagged it down slowly. “Gentle and sensual. Nice and slow.” Matt fanned out his fingers and raked through the dark red curls between Techie’s legs, slowly curling his fingers, petting the soft but coarse hair. Techie sighed. “I can definitely work with that.”

Slowly, Matt took Techie into his mouth. Techie gasped aloud—Matt’s tongue was pretty much magic. “Fuck, oh my god,” Techie whimpered. Matt flicked his eyes upward and stared into Techie’s. Techie was afraid he would come right there and then. “Come up here,” he panted, arms reaching for Matt. Matt pulled off with a pop and sidled up next to Techie, who kissed him hard on the mouth. He tasted salty now, fleshy and a bit bitter. Techie practically licked the taste off Matt’s teeth.

“Why’d you want me to stop?” Matt asked. “Was it not feeling good?”

“What? God, no, it felt incredible, I just…I really don’t want to come too soon. It felt  _ too _ good.”

Matt laughed. “I’ll try to be worse next time.”

Techie smiled and searched into Matt’s big brown eyes, darker now with the pupils blown wide. He hesitated. “Can I…um, can I try you?”

Matt nodded and Techie inched down so his head was near Matt’s hips. Excitedly, he grabbed Matt’s hard cock in his hands and admired it. “Jesus,” he sighed. It was so big and pink and thick and smooth and Techie couldn’t wait to get his mouth around it. Fortunately, he didn’t have to. He couldn’t take it all at once, but using his hands in addition to his mouth, recalling some porn techniques he’d seen here and there, and following Matt’s reactions as a guide, he was able to give a very impressive First Blow Job. 

“Shit, Techie, you’re so good at that. Aah-ah, mmhmm, fuuuck, that’s it.” Matt stroked Techie’s long red locks carefully, making sure not to grab or pull when sensations got to intense. But intense it was. Before meaning to, Matt came with a grunt. “God, oh. Shit. Sorry.” 

Techie swallowed a bit of the strange salty fluid in his mouth, and Matt handed him his discarded tank top to help clean up the rest. Matt twirled a strand of Techie’s hair and tried to regulate his breathing. “It’s been quite a while for me,” he said, embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to come already but that was…you’re a natural, Techie.”

The pair chuckled. “Finally, I’ve found my talent,” Techie joked, nestling his head under Matt’s chin. Matt glanced over Techie’s body and placed a lazy hand on that still-hard cock, stroking it loosely and lazily. They kissed again, deep and wet.

“So what now?” Techie asked. “I mean, how long before you can do more? Like, make out for a few minutes time or watch a movie time?”

“My refractory period is kind of long,” Matt said, “but that’s okay because I was thinking…” Matt adjusted himself so that he was kneeling on the bed. He let go of Techie for a moment to grab some lube and squeeze it onto his fingers. With one hand, he pet Techie some more, and with the other, he reached behind him and inserted his first finger.

“What are you doing?” Techie asked.

“Getting myself ready for you,” Matt replied with a smile. “I was thinking you could fuck me tonight.” Matt added another finger and hissed. “If that’s alright with you.”

Techie watched in awe as Matt fucked himself open on his fingers, a bright flush spreading all over his body. Fuck, it was so hot. Techie almost felt faint. “You want  _ me _ to fuck  _ you _ ?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“I dunno, I just thought…I figured once you had your, like, role, that was just what you did. And the way you talked about it before, I figured you usually top, so…”

“I do,” said Matt, “but that’s just because my ex really liked it that way and I got used to it. But I don’t…I don’t want to hurt you, and I feel like I might be a little too big for your first time, y’know? And I haven’t been fucked in a looong time. I kind of miss it.”

Techie tried to process all this new information. “Oh.”

“Is that…if you don’t want that, we don’t have to do it that way. I just thought maybe it was worth trying, if you’re up for it?”

Techie was. He flashed hot and shaky at the idea of his movements, his rhythms making Matt come from the inside. But would he be able to? “I want to, but I won’t have any idea what I’m doing.”

“It’ll come naturally,” Matt said, “No pun intended. I’ll take the lead. Here,” Matt took his hand from Techie to grab the lube again, which he handed back to Techie. “Slick up.” Matt took a bit more for himself and inserted a third finger. Techie watched the muscles in Matt’s face contract in a wince, watched the ripple of his abs when he drew a sharp breath, watched the tendons in his arms when he stretched. How on Earth was he in bed with someone like this?

“Okay,” Matt said, adjusting his position. “Lay down there.” Techie did as instructed, laying with his top propped up with a few pillows. Matt shuffled over him, straddle-kneeling with a leg on either side of Techie’s soft hips. “Okay, are you ready?” 

Techie nodded, maybe a bit too eagerly. Matt bent forward to give him a long kiss. Then he took Techie’s cock in hand and lined it up with his hole. Techie ran his hands over the tops of Matt’s thighs, waiting, feeling the heat rise between them. Then, something tight around him. Oh my god. This was it. It was really happening. 

Matt seated himself, eliciting a moan from Techie, who blushed. Matt took one of his hands and squeezed it tight. “I love you,” they whispered together. Matt began to move.

Soon they found a rhythm, Techie rolling up into Matt as Matt moved up and down on his knees. God, his legs must  _ ache _ , Techie thought, getting hotter and closer with each glance over Matt’s body. As they got faster and closer, Techie propped himself up further, wrapping arms around Matt’s neck and kissing him. Matt took one of Techie’s hands and guided it along his shaft. They were both so pink, their hair damp with exertion, pupils blown wide and nerves over sensing. That tight tight tension and heat in his base, building, inching closer and closer to the edge. Techie whimpered and tried to breathe deep, but his breath was getting away from him, faster faster faster. It was all new. Of course he’d come before, but nothing like this. Never with someone else. Never with the tight heat of the sweetest, most gorgeous, strongest, loveliest man around him, on top of him, grinning at him between grunts, muttering his name and OH GOD—  

Techie came first. Matt kept riding him, pulling more and more out of him, until his skin jumped at every tiny contact. Matt rose up, freeing Techie, and stroked himself once, twice, the third time with Techie’s hand over his own, and then came, too. They crashed together, lying down with lips connected, limbs tangled. They panted hard. Laughed. Breathed slow, sighed. Matt ran his fingers over the little gold hairs on Techie’s forearm as they snuggled close. Despite eyelids heavy with exhaustion, they forced them open, gazing into blue and brown. 

“I love you much,” Techie whispered, as if speaking too loud would break the bubble of serenity around them. “This was…more than I hoped for.”

“I love  _ you _ ,” Matt kissed Techie’s nose and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around his waist. “You’re amazing.”

They listened to each other’s breaths, felt the heat of skin on skin, wrapped themselves in the luxury of the fine hotel linens. “Techie?”

“Yeah, Matt?”

“Would you be mad if I fell asleep?”

Techie chuckled. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

Not cleaned up and with the lights still on, Techie and Matt fell asleep nose to nose.


	24. Twenty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Hux.

Hux woke up to sun streaming in through the window and a heavy-as-fuck arm across his waist. He wriggled around, afraid to see what he knew was there. Ben. Fast asleep, dark eyelashes fluttering. Shit. In a lapse of judgment, Hux had allowed Ben to stay overnight. And the worst part? They were fully fucking clothed.

“Oh my god what have I done.”

But it wasn’t a question. He knew. He’d invited Ben over. They’d had some wine and complained about their families. Got kind of vulnerable, really. Ben’s eyes got red and he might’ve been almost crying? Hux wasn’t sure because he avoided making eye contact when talking about feelings. He realized they were more alike than he thought. They both hated their fathers and had difficult “I love you but you suck” relationships with their mothers. Neither ever felt like their parents were proud of them. They both loooved red wine. And then they dozed off, drunk and cuddling on the bed. They didn’t have sex at all—didn't even make out! Christ. Hux was horrified.

“Ben!” Hux shook the man-log next to him until it grunted awake. “You have to get going.”

“Mmm, what time is it?” Ben pulled the blanket over his head, which Hux whipped back off. 

“Time for you to get out. 7:54.”

“It’s not even eight o’clock and you’re making me leave?!” Ben whined incredulously. “You’re crazy. Come under the covers with me.”

“Ben…”

“C’mon, babe,” Ben lazily grabbed Hux round the waist and pulled him next to him. “See how comfy? Let’s sleep some more.”

“No, Ben,” Hux said, but he pressed closer to Ben. Shit. “You shouldn’t have stayed over in the first place. I don’t do this kind of thing, you know that.”

“What kind of thing? Sleeping in on the weekends?”

“No. Well, yes, but also…this feels too, like,” Hux searched for the right word. “Companionate. It’s starting to feel relationship-y, which I don’t do. We’re fuck buddies, and that’s it, right?”

“Whatever you say, Ginger Snap,” Ben said, then kissed Hux’s nose. “Now let’s sleep some more.”

Hux’s bed  _ was _ terribly comfy with his new Anthropologie duvet, and Ben was a very effective space heater. “Fine. An hour and a half. No more. At 9:30, you are up and out, nonnegotiable. Understood?”

“Yessir,” Ben saluted lazily and shifted to spoon Hux. It was all of thirty seconds before they were both asleep.

  
  


Ben was true to his word and left promptly at 9:30. Hux took a long hot shower, desperate to scrub that Ben Solo smell off of him. He couldn’t let that man invade his space, his life. Hux’s life wasn’t meant to be shared. It just wasn’t.

After his shower he called Breck, dread of the coming night building in his stomach.

“Mm, hullo?” Breck answered the phone sleepily.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“Kinda but it’s okay.” Breck yawned. “What’s up?”

“Mom and Dad are in town and insisting on taking us to dinner tonight.”

“What? Why??”

“I don’t know. Because they’re the worst. They want to pick us up at my place at seven. You can come round whenever before that, I’ll just be here working on stuff.”

“Christ, okay. I’ll probably be there around five or so.”

“Want me to pick you up?”

“No, Matt can drop me off.”

Hux smiled. “How was the date?”

Breck’s grin could be heard through the phone. “Good. Really good. Phenomenal, really.”

“Are you still with him?”

“Mmhm. He’s still sleeping.” Breck yawned again. “And I’m going to rejoin him.”

Hux chuckled. “Long night, huh?”

“I’ll see you later, Armie.”

“Be safe!”

“I’m hanging up now!”

The line went dead. Hux tried to work out the logic in his brain. How could he be so giddy for his little brother’s sprouting romance, but so opposed to his own? No, he couldn’t even call it that. What he and Ben had was not a  _ romance _ . No, he’d call it, um, a…situation! Why was he so opposed to his  _ situation  _ with Ben prompting feelings? Good, warm feelings? And connections? And… 

Fuck. Hux glanced at the stack of work on his desk. He really did not need this complication right now. 


	25. Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner with the Huxes

_ A fancy, vaguely Italian restaurant. The Huxes have a corner table—Armitage and Breck sit across from one another, while their parents, Eavan and Brendol, are across from each other themselves. Eavan picks at a salad, Brendol vigorously demolishes a steak, Armitage eats his grilled chicken, and Breck twirls his spaghetti. They all drink white wine, except for Breck, who has a glass of Sprite. All are in nice, though not formal, clothes.  _

 

EAVAN

I’m so glad we could all have dinner as a family tonight. This doesn’t happen enough.

 

ARMITAGE

This doesn’t happen ever.

 

EAVAN

How is your spaghetti, Breck?

 

BRECK

...Fine.

 

EAVAN

Brendol, do you care to join our conversation?

 

BRENDOL

Why? You seem to be having an exciting enough time of it without me.

 

_ Eavan rolls her eyes. _

EAVAN

Well, how is school going, boys? 

 

ARMITAGE

Fine.

 

BRECK

Good.

 

EAVAN

Either of you working on anything interesting?

 

BRECK

Nope.

 

ARMITAGE

Not at all.

 

EAVAN

Okay…Anything interesting happening outside of school? Armitage, any shoots recently?

 

ARMITAGE

Several.

 

EAVAN

Care to elaborate?

 

ARMITAGE

No thank you.

 

EAVAN

Breck? Your robot thing? How’s that?

 

BRECK

Good.

 

EAVAN

You know when you two were little, we could never get you to stop talking. And now you have nothing to say?

 

ARMITAGE

It’s not like we were constantly shouted at to be quiet, then ignored, then sent off to camps and with nannies so you didn’t have to be bothered by us. Nothing like that happened to make us not want to talk to you.

 

_ Eavan is flustered. She looks to Brendol for support. _

 

EAVAN

Well? Aren’t you going to say something?

 

BRENDOL

I appreciate your lack of unnecessary noise, boys.

 

EAVAN

Brendol!

 

BRENDOL

Talk to your mother, I guess, I don’t care…

 

_ Brendol concentrates on his steak as though it is a calculus problem. _

 

EAVAN

Just talk to me. About anything. Anything at all. What are the cool new shows to bunge-watch?

 

BRECK

Binge-watch.

 

EAVAN

Hmm?

 

BRECK

It’s 'binge-watch,' Mom.

 

EAVAN

Right! Of course. So smart, Breck. What are you binge-watching these days? Who are the cool people on Instant-gram? 

 

_ Armitage and Breck exchange a tired, hopeless glance. They focus on their food. _

 

EAVAN

More Twitter people, are you, boys? That’s all fine and good. Um. Armitage? Remember Mrs. Doyle’s nephew? 

 

ARMITAGE

_ (scoffs) _

Danny Doyle with the unibrow?

 

EAVAN

Yes! Well! He doesn’t have a unibrow any longer—in fact, he’s turned out quite handsome! He’s just moved to Manhattan and opened up the loveliest little bistro.

 

ARMITAGE

_ (dryly) _

Good for him.

 

EAVAN

Yes, but Mrs. Doyle says he’s been quite lonely. Perhaps you could have dinner with him sometime? 

 

ARMITAGE

I’ll pass.

 

EAVAN

You wouldn’t even recognize him, Armitage, he’s a whole new person now. Absolutely darling. I really think you’d like him if you gave him a chance—  

 

_ Brendol grunts uncomfortably. Everyone freezes, sips wine. Continues. _

ARMITAGE

I said I’ll pass.

 

EAVAN

But why? I just hate to think of you all on you own, son—  

 

ARMITAGE

If you must know, Mother, I’m not all on my own. I have…well, it’s a bit early yet but… I have something resembling a boyfriend. His name is Ben and you will probably never meet him.

 

_ Breck grins in shock, eyes wide. Armitage has never referred to anyone as his boyfriend before.  _ _ Eavan smiles, too, but for a different reason. _

 

EAVAN

Oh, Armitage, I am so pleased for you! But you may want to rethink your last sentence, there, young man!

 

ARMITAGE

Nope, it seems like a pretty safe bet that you won’t meet him. You only see your own children a couple times a year. I find it doubtful you’d be able to squeeze him into your oh-so-busy schedule.

 

EAVAN

That’s enough of that! We’re very sorry we’ve been so…distant. Aren’t we, Brendol?

 

BRENDOL

Hmm? Yeah, uh-huh.

 

EAVAN

Well,  _ I’m _ sorry. And I’m trying to be better. But I can’t do that if you push me away!

 

ARMITAGE

Sure, Mom, blame me for your terrible decisions. Sounds good.

 

_ Eavan gapes at Armitage, who resumes eating and doesn’t look at her. She takes a long gulp of wine. Then another. She shifts her attention to her more mild-mannered son. _

 

EAVAN

Breck. My sweet freckled prince. How are you?

 

BRECK

_ (puzzled) _

I’m fine?

 

EAVAN

Would you have any interest in having dinner with Danny Doyle? I realize he may be a bit older than you’d usually go for, but you’re mature for your age, aren’t you?

 

BRECK

Mom…

 

BRENDOL

For God’s sake, Eavan, don’t push the little one into homosexuality, too!

 

EAVAN

I only push my children towards happiness, Brendol! I simply asked him a question. If he isn’t interested, I won’t press it!

 

BRECK

I’m not interested.

 

EAVAN

_ (pressing it) _

Well why not?! You guys don’t understand what a catch this Danny Doyle has blossomed into!

 

ARMITAGE

Then why don’t you date him, Mom?

 

_ Eavan takes another swig of wine.  _

EAVAN

Believe me, it’s crossed my mind. But alas, I’m married to _(gestures to_ Brendol _)_ t hat and I’m not a slender young man, which is what Danny Doyle’s looking for. Breck, are you sure? One date couldn’t hurt, right?

 

BRECK

No thanks, Mom. I, um… _(nervous gulps)_ I have a boyfriend, too.

 

BRENDOL

_ (muttering) _

Christ, not him, too.

 

EAVAN

Brendol, be civil.

 

BRENDOL

It was those damn weight-loss pills you were taking in the nineties, Eavan! They messed up our boys’ genetics in the womb. 

 

EAVAN

Don’t put this on me! If I hadn’t been on those pills you’d have left me for some Jersey City stripper!

 

BRENDOL

Eh, what’s done is done.

_ Brendol is resigned, eats more steak. _

 

EAVAN

Don’t listen to your father, boys. You’re both perfect just as you are. 

_ Armitage rolls his eyes. _

 

EAVAN

What’s your boyfriend’s name, sweetie?

 

BRECK

Uh. Matt.

 

BRENDOL

_ (mimicking under his breath) _

“UH Matt”

 

_ Eavan and Armitage glare at Brendol. He doesn’t notice. _

 

EAVAN

Well, we’re going to be here for the rest of the week. Maybe we could take you to dinner again, and you can bring Matt and Armitage can bring Ben.

  
  


BRENDOL, ARMITAGE, and BRECK

No!

 

_ Eavan ignores this. _

 

EAVAN

Let’s say Wednesday at 6, alright?

 

_ Eavan takes out her small planner and makes a note. The Hux men know they have no choice. They all slump in their chairs and pick at their food. Eavan beams. _


	26. 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a million and half years

A dinner. With the boyfriends. Nothing could be more terrifying.

“I say we lick the sidewalk,” Hux proposed to Breck. “A nice stint in the hospital will free us.”

“Or we could just lie and say that we’re sick?” Breck asked from his perch on the arm of the couch. It seemed a lot easier.

“Mom will want proof. A stool sample.”

“We can tell them Matt and Ben are sick?”

“She’ll want a urine sample at the very least.”

A knock on Hux’s door interrupted their brainstorming. Hux went to answer it. Ben leaned in the doorway.

“How was dinner with the fam?” Ben asked, leaning in to kiss Hux’s cheek. Breck stared, in shock, when Hux didn’t try to dodge it.

“Absolutely dreadful.”

“Well, at least you won’t have to do it again for a while, right?” Ben nodded hello to Breck before sitting down on the couch, going to place his feet up on the coffee table until he remembered how Hux was. He stopped himself.

“Actually,” Hux sighed, crashing down next to him. “Mother insists on another dinner this week. With you. And Breck’s boyfriend. In attendance.”

“Me?” Ben looked aghast. “But I’m just…we’re not…are we?”

Breck rose and zipped up his sweatshirt. “So I’m gonna go now. Call me later, Armie. Nice to see you, Ben!” In a matter of seconds, Breck was gone, the door slammed shut behind him.

“Hux, a dinner with your parents, that means…”

Hux reddened and shook his head adamantly. “My mother was trying to set me up with her friend’s son, wouldn’t take no for an answer, I had to tell her  _ something.” _

Ben grinned. “You like me.”

Hux rolled his eyes and went to the fridge, grabbing a mineral water. “Not this again.”

Ben’s arms found their way around Hux’s waist, his chin resting on Hux’s bony shoulder. “You like me sooo much. You only wanna be with meeee. You wanna call me your boooooyfriend. Huuuux.”

“Christ, are you in the third grade?” But Hux did not shrug Ben off, nor did he shimmy out of his hold. Instead, he leaned back into the big strong warmth enveloping him.

“Let’s get matching tattoos.” Ben said with a giggle. Hux elbowed him under the rib, which didn’t hurt Ben at all. He pressed a big sloppy kiss to Hux’s cheek.

“So you’ll go to this hell dinner with me? Even though it will be hell?” Hux sighed.

“Of course, babe,” Ben said. “That’s what a good boyfriend does.”


	27. Twenty Seven

Techie and Matt were on their third aimless lap around the second floor of the mall when Techie stopped in front of Percy’s Piercing Parlor. He looked at Matt.

“Wanna see how tight how I can squeeze your hand?”

Matt laughed and nodded. 

The piercing artist was a tall, intense glam goth named Bazine. She directed Techie to a chair that looked like one from the dentist’s office—it reclined and had a weird head basin. Techie climbed on and Matt sat down in a stool beside it. Bazine took the stool on the opposite side.

“So what are we thinking today?” she asked. She wasn’t unfriendly.

“My nose.” Techie said. He quirked an eyebrow and put on a frat-bro voice. “Which side is the gay side?”

Bazine didn’t answer. Matt left and channeled a similar voice. “The left, dude. Totally.”

“I thought it was the right, though? That’s what O’Brien said.”

“Nah, my girlfriend’s best friend’s sister’s ex-boyfriend pierced the left side, and then he left her for his lacrosse coach, so.”

Techie cracked up laughing. “Left it shall be, then.”

“Hoop or stud?” Bazine asked.

“Stud. I also want to do my ears. Can you do three in each?”

Matt’s eyes went wide. He had no clue Techie wanted to do so much. Bazine seemed similarly surprised.

“Technically yeah,” said Bazine, “but it’s pretty expensive to get it all done at once. If you get the cheapest jewelry for each, it’s still gonna be a minimum of 300. Plus if you’ve never had piercings before, it’s a lot of work to take care of them all and if you’ve got three holes and one gets infected, they’re all fucked.”

“Oh.”

“I recommend we do your nose and then a single stud in each ear for now. We can make an appointment for you to come back after these heal to do the next couple, yeah?”

Techie made a quick pros and cons chart in his head. He got that from his brother. Then he nodded. “Yeah, okay. That makes sense.”

“Great. I’ll be right back.”

Bazine headed off and Matt and Techie looked at one another. Techie made an excited grimace. “I feel so badass.”

“That’s awesome. I can’t believe you wanted to get like 7 holes punctured in you today, though.”

Techie shrugged. “Don’t you think it’ll look good on me?”

“Are you kidding? You’ll look amazing. But…” Matt trailed off, unsure whether he should say anything at all.

“But what?”

“You’re not just doing this to get a rise out of your parents, right? I mean, it’s expensive and it’ll hurt, you know? I just want you to do it because you want the piercings, not to piss them off.”

“I do want them.” Techie said definitively. “I mean the pissing-off-Dad bit is a nice bonus, but yours and Ben’s presence will piss him off more than enough.”

“I’m sorry your dad’s such a bigot.”

Techie shrugged. “It is what it is. Anyway. I’ve sort of wanted to do this for a long time. And with them insisting on spending time with us now, the timing just seems encouraging.”

Matt nodded. “I hadn’t pictured you as a piercings kind of guy, but now that I think about it I think it’ll fit you just right.”

Techie smiled shyly. “Did you read the Harry Potter books as a kid?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I always kind of wanted to be a Bill Weasley kind of guy. He was, like, the only cool redheaded guy in anything. Edgy and rock n rolly, y’know. I wanted to be like that.”

Matt smiled. “You do sorta look like the guy who played him in the movie.”

“Only he didn’t have any piercings! He was so toned-down from the wild guy in the books. Anyway.”

Bazine returned with some stud samples for Techie to choose from, as well as a waiver. He motioned for Matt to look with him. 

“Any jump out at you?”

Matt’s eyes went straight to sapphire stud. He pointed to it. “I like this one. It matches your eyes.”

Techie grinned and bought three.


	28. Twenty Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS
> 
> This chapter contains pretty bad verbal abuse from a parent. TW abuse, TW suicide, TW misgendering/anti-intersex, TW ableism TW alcoholic parent TW implied domestic abuse TW hospitalization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please heed TWs in summary

The big, horrible day had arrived. The Dreaded Dinner. Techie and Hux stood by the hostess’ podium, scanning the restaurant for their parents. Behind them, Ben and Matt waited awkwardly, Matt trying to think of interesting things to say to an artist he admired who also happened to be the boyfriend of his boyfriend’s brother. He was struggling.

“Fuck, I see them,” said Hux, pointing to the far left corner.

“I don’t think it’s too late to run,” Techie said.

“They’d find us.”

“We could go to Australia. Mom hates Australians.”

“Boys!” A high, lilting voice called. Eavan. She waved with a freshly manicured hand. “Over here!”

Hux and Techie braced themselves before heading over. It was going to be a long night.

 

“So,” Eavan said after a sip of her wine. She surveyed the table from her seat at the head. Opposite her was Brendol, with Hux and Ben on the right side and Matt and Techie on the left. The boys all had their nervous fidgets—Techie bit his nails, Hux tapped his foot, Ben twirled his hair, and Matt read the menu cover to cover 23 times. Brendol and his whiskey just looked bored. Clearly no one wanted to be there but Eavan, and her reasoning was unclear. “How did you meet?”

Hux and Techie looked at each other; neither had been directly addressed. “Who are you asking, Mom?” Techie asked.

“Both. Either. You first, Breck. Where did you meet Matt?”

Techie shrugged. “School.”

Eavan turned to Hux. “And you and Ben, Armitage?”

“School,” said Hux.

Eavan folded her hands in resigned disappointment. “Interesting.”

“Is that jewelry in your face, Breck?” Brendol spat, speaking directly for the first time in quite a while.

Techie’s eyes flicked with fear. Hux gave him a look that said “stand your ground.” “Yes,” Techie said, voice only slightly shaky. “I got my nose pierced the other day. My ears, too.” Techie pushed his long hair behind his ears.

“I like that color,” Ben said.

“It’s nice with his eyes, isn’t it?” Matt added.

Brendol snorted and took a drink. “I don’t understand this.”

Eavan looked puzzled. “Understand what, dear?”

“What anyone sees in our boys.”

Eavan’s mouth twisted with concern. “Brendol, I don’t—”

“Matthew, you know Breck’s only got one eye, don’t you?” Brendol asked. Techie stiffened. The whole table fell silent.

“Y-yes,” Matt stuttered out.

“Did you know he’s a hermaphrodite?” Brendol challenged.

“I—” Matt began but did not finish. Techie's whole body went hot.

“Brendol!” Eavan scolded. “That’s enough.”

“Shut up, Evie!” Brendol’s voice rose to a growl. Other diners were looking their way now. Techie hung his reddened face, trying to ignore the stinging behind his eyes. Matt placed a gentle hand on his knee but said nothing.

“And Armitage,” Brendol slurred. “He may be more physically intact than the little one, but he’s not all right in the head, are ya Armitage?”

“Dad,” Hux said through gritted teeth. “Watch it.”

“Watch it!” Brendol laughed. “The boy tells me to watch it! That’s fucking rich. This little psycho thinks he can tell me what to do. Remind me, Armitage. How many times have you been hospitalized?”

“Dad, I swear to God—”

“I know it’s more than the amount times you tried  _ and failed _ to off yourself. But is it double? Or triple?”

A scrape and clatter. Hux rose from his seat and threw down his fork. “I won’t sit around and be berated by you, asshole,” he proclaimed. “We’re leaving.”

Hux stormed off, and Techie followed him. Afraid, Matt rushed after his boyfriend. Ben, however, took his time getting up.

“Thanks for the lovely evening,” Ben sneered, rising. He walked round to where Brendol sat and hocked a loogie directly into his drink. Brendol watched it swirl in horror. “Enjoy your night.”

Ben ran out of the restaurant faster than Brendol could react.  


	29. 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a very mini chapter. Check back soon to see the very different ways the Hux boys and their boys deal with their shit

Outside the restaurant, Matt was hard at work beating up a lamppost. A few feet away, Ben was kicking the shit out of a USPS mailbox.

“Um,” said Techie, looking at Hux to do something.

“Guys?” Hux asked. “What are you doing?”

“Pretending this mailbox is your piece of shit father!” Ben snarled, kicking hard. “I didn’t want to make a scene cuz I knew you’d be pissed and also I have priors but I’m so fucking ANGRY!” A Size 13 dent appeared in the blue metal.

“Yeah, what he said!” Matt growled. “Fucking fucker!”

“Okay,” Hux approached Ben carefully, arms up as if to say ‘don’t shoot.’ “I appreciate it. Let’s cool down, now, ok?” Hux loosely wrapped his hand around Ben’s bicep and felt his rage begin to melt. Techie approached Matt the same way, but Matt cooled before Techie got to close, aware that he might scare him. Once he was calm enough, he pulled Techie into a tight bear hug.

“That asshole doesn’t know shit!” Matt was murmuring against Techie’s smooth red hair. “He can’t see how amazing you are because he’s the fucking worst, and you’re fantastic, okay? I love you I love you…” Matt’s murmurs disappeared in the little space between the pair.

Ben looked to Hux with arms extended, as if trying to enact the same technique with him. Hux shook his head and pulled Ben by the hand. “We’re going to get a drink. None of this mushy stuff. You’re buying me hard alcohol.”

Ben smiled in admiration of Hux’s wryness. “You got it, babe.” 


	30. Thirty

Hux handed Matt the keys to his car, saying he and Ben when Uber home later. Matt and Techie climbed into Hux’s pristine vehicle and headed back to the dorms.

“It doesn’t matter what your dad said, you know,” Matt said quietly. He wished he could hold Techie’s hand, but he was too scared of not crashing Hux’s car to take a hand off the wheel.

“He’s right, though,” Techie’s voice was smaller than ever.

“No!” Matt practically shouted. “He isn’t!”

Techie looked at Matt long and hard. He said nothing. Matt parked.

They walked up to their hall hand in hand, but no words were exchanged. They made their way into Matt’s room, discarded their shoes and socks in silence. Matt laid down on the bed and reached an arm out to Techie, who crawled in beside him.

Held tight my Matt’s safe arms, Techie spoke. “Whether or not you agree that all those things are negative, what he said is factual. I am missing one eye. I am a hermaphrodite.”

“No.” Matt said. “I’ve done some research. I mean, the eye thing, yeah, he’s right, but so what? You can still do anything you want. But the other thing…you’re not a plant, Techie.”

Techie almost laughed. “What?”

“Only certain kinds of plants can be hermaphrodites. The word refers to an organism that is split 50-50 male and female right down the middle. Like a teste on the left and an ovary on the right, a pec on the left and a boob on the right, half a penis and half a vagina, or something. No person has that right down the middle split, as far as I know. Therefore people can’t be hermaphrodites. And then of course there’s the complications of calling certain sex organs “male” or “female” when gender is a construct and we know biological sex is a continuum not a binary and—”

Techie turned in Matt’s arms to face him. “Since when do you know all this stuff?”

Techie felt Matt’s shoulders shrug against him. “Since you told me about your KS. I looked it up and then looked up intersex stuff in general and did you know intersex people are about as common as redheads?”

Techie swatted a lock of his hair across Matt’s nose. “I’m proof.”

“It was so fascinating, you know, to realize that biological sex can be so varied. Like chromosomes and hormones are all doing their own different things and…it’s like infinite combinations and results, right? And here I always thought it was so cut and dry.”

“It really doesn’t bother you that I…that I don’t look how I’m supposed to?”

Matt smoothed Techie’s hair and kissed his forehead. “You look exactly how you’re supposed to. You’re perfect, Tech.”

Techie saw tears beginning to well in Matt’s big brown eyes and knew he meant it. He pressed his lips to Matt’s and clung tight to his body. He never wanted to let go.  


	31. Thirty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so dang long!
> 
> tw for excessive alcohol consumption and discussion of suicide

"Two more, please," Hux called to the bartender. Then he looked to Ben, as if just remembering he was there. "Oh, and one for him, too."

"Hux, Jesus," Ben sighed as he caught Hux's shoulder, preventing him from swaying right off the bar stool. The three empty shot glasses and two and a half empty Vodka Cranberries were visual evidence of how Hux chose to deal with his feelings. "Maybe we should head home. I'll order pizza and tuck you into bed, won't that be nice?"

"Don't patronize me, Ben Solo!" Hux spat. The bartender returned with his libations and Hux downed both shots with no hesitation. Then he burped. Loudly. Ben waved his hand in front of his nose--it stank.

"Look," said Ben, taking his own shot and dumping it out behind him. "You're obviously upset, it was an upsetting event, but drinking yourself until you puke won't really help, right? I mean, you haven't even told me the details of these deep dark secrets! And what's drinking for if not loosening lips?"

"You wanna know all my shit, Ben? Really?"

"I mean sorta, yeah, but I'd rather you feel okay. Let's go home. We can talk about it tomorrow."

"I've been depressed my whole goddamn life," Hux slurred. "And my homophobic asshole of a father only made me hate myself more. The only thing I was good at was protecting Breck. That was my thing, you know? Keeping him safe. Cuz bullies are everywhere, you know? Brendol's the biggest one, really, but then there were all those twerps at school...anyway. Our parents didn't want us in their way, you know, so it was boarding school for us. And when I got to high school, I was sent to boarding school in Maine while Breck finished junior high in Connecticut. And without me there to look out for him...God," Hux swallowed what was last of his cocktail. "I mean they fucking demolished him. And so I failed him. The one thing I was good at, you know? Totally failed at it. So that was the first time that I...you know. Tried to end it. But I failed at that too, just like ol' Brendol said."

"Hux, I'm sor--"

"So I was in a hospital for a while. 6 months. It wasn't that bad, you know, not like Girl, Interrupted or whatever. But not where you wanna be. Then a year later, Breck started military school in North Carolina and...god, Ben, the shit that happened to him there...the bullies in middle school had nothing on these sick fucks. And again, I wasn't there. He's got scars all over his arms and back. He lost...no, they took his fucking eye! And when I heard I just remember thinking, if this world is such shit that kids would do this to my sweet baby brother, this kid who would never hurt a fly, I mean...and if I couldn't protect him...then what was the point, you know? So that was attempt number two. After your second try, you know, they wanna keep you in the hospital a little longer. I graduated a year late. Been on various heavy cocktails of SSRIs and MAOIs. I almost did it again a few times, but Breck is...he's almost psychic sometimes, man, I mean it. He knows when something's up. He calls me out of the blue when I'm at my worst. Tells me his life would be nothing without me so please stick around Armie, please don't do it, I need you. But god, every time something awful happens to him I feel like a failure all over again."

Hux was greatly disturbed to realize his face was wet with tears. He snarled and wiped his sleeve across his nose. Before he could examine the damage to his cashmere, Ben pulled him into a bear hug.

"Hux, the last thing anyone thinks when they look at you is 'failure.' You have to know that. And I've seen what you do for your brother. It's selfless. You can't protect him from everything, no one can, but you seem to do a damn good job."

Hux tried to suppress a sob climbing up his chest. "And I'm not a nice person," he said. "The world is so cruel and I am too, I'm not a nice person, I can be so mean and cold and I'm so sorry, Ben, I've been so awful to you, I don't mean to be so awful, I just--"

"Hey," Ben pulled away and held Hux's head firmly in his hands. His big thumb gently brushed tears from Hux's cheek. "You're not awful. You have your moments, but so do I. So does everyone. You're a good person."

"I'm not, I'm not."

"Well if you aren't, neither am I. But guess what? I love you anyway. Okay? So let's be awful-only-sometimes together."

Hux sniffled and nodded. "Okay. Okay. Awful-only-sometimes, together."

"Good," Ben sighed, relieved. "Now let's go home, okay? Get some sleep?"

"Okay," Hux nodded, rising and stumbling off his stool. Ben caught him easily, though, and guided him to the door.

As they waited out front for their Uber to arrive, Hux, quickly sobering from the cold, looked to Ben. "Did you...in there, did you say you loved me?"

Ben stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked up, away from Hux's gaze. "I, uh, yeah. I did."

"I thought you did," said Hux, leaning into Ben. He pulled one of Ben's arms up and around his shoulders, snuggling into him. It was quite cold. "That's good. Because I love you too."

Ben's grip on Hux tightened and a smile broke out on his face. "You do?"

"Uh-huh," said Hux. "But don't expect me to say so when I'm sober."

Ben chuckled. "Fair enough."


	32. Thirty-Two: Three Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. Thanks for coming along for the ride, friends!

Graduation didn’t feel all that huge. The stage was smaller than Techie had envisioned, as was the crowd. Fine by him, really. Techie never liked to be overwhelmed.

“Babe? You ready?” Matt asked as their row stood. Techie nodded and righted Matt’s cap, which was lopsided like his smile. They smoothed their vinyl gowns and gripped hands.

“Y’know, I don’t think I would’ve gotten here if it weren’t for you,” Techie whispered.

Matt bit his lip. “Come on, Tech. Don’t make me cry right before getting on stage.”

Techie grinned and pecked Matt on the lips. Then it was time to cross the stage.

 

The graduation party was held in Ben’s art studio, the ground floor of a renovated hipster warehouse building, three floors below his and Hux’s shared loft. Hux-made banners adorned the space and tiny appetizers made their way around on the room on fake silver platters. 

“Armie, this is...a lot.” Techie said, taking it in.

“Only the best for my brother,” Hux said, squeezing his shoulders. Across the room, Ben and Matt were conspiring in hushed tones.

“I just don’t know how to time it,” Matt was saying, shaking his head. “How did you know when the right time was?”

Ben shrugged. “I mean I pretty much asked him every time he blew me for, like, 3 months straight. As soon as I could afford the ring I formalized the question.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t do it tonight. Maybe that’s too much for one day. He’ll be overwhelmed.”

“You know him better than I do,” said Ben. “I’d tell you to ask Hux, but there’s no way he could keep it a secret.”

Matt sighed, frustrated. Ben clapped him on the back. “Relax, man. When the time’s right, you’ll know.”

 

Hux and Ben made the rounds, acting as gracious hosts and taking the awkward pressure off of Matt and Techie. Everyone held their breath when Eavan walked through the door, but she turned out to be on her best behavior--ever since Brendol’s heart attack, she was much happier. She congratulated Hux and Ben on their lovely space, and Matt and Techie on their achievement, gave them all slightly uncomfortable hugs, and hailed a cab back home, drama-free.

“That was the most positive interaction I’ve ever had with a parent,” Techie beamed as she walked out the door. “Could this night get any better?”

Matt fingered the ring in his pocket and looked around nervously. People were chatting and milling about, admiring the pictures of the pair. Matt spotted his own mother chatting proudly with academic advisor. Ben and Armie had taken to bickering about whose responsibility it was to replenish the appetizers. Techie squeezed his hand.

“Are you with me, Mattie?”

“Yes,” said Matt, brushing a long red lock behind Techie’s ear. “Always.”

“Y’know I was kinda nervous about graduation up until a few weeks ago,” Techie began softly. “Because it’s the end of us for sure being in the same place at the same time. But lately...I feel weirdly un-insecure.”

“You mean ‘secure’?”

“Oh yeah. I forgot that was a word on its own. Yeah. Secure. Like, I’m not worried because I know...I don’t know  _ how _ I know, but somehow I know--”

Matt dropped onto one knee. “Techie?”

“Oh shit,” Techie clapped a hand over his mouth and tried to ignore his stinging eyes. “Matt, oh my god.”

“Will you, um,” Matt dug around in his too-deep pocket. Shit. He tried to stall as he struggled to locate the ring. “Will you live with me and make me mac n cheese and build crap with me and help me find my glasses and just like, hang out with me forever because I really love you so much and--ah-ha!” Victorious, Matt raised the slippery little ring in the air. “Will you marry me, Tech?”

“Oh my god, yes, fuck, of course, yes!”

 

Ben and Hux watched happily as Techie and Matt crashed together, joyous and weeping, shaking while trying to get the ring on Techie’s finger. Hux glanced at Ben--his face was too smug.

“Did you know Matt was going to propose tonight?” Hux inquired. 

Ben shrugged.

“Benjamin Hux-Solo you goddamn liar, why didn’t you say anything?”

“How am I a liar?”

“How could you not tell me this!?”

“You would’ve blown it completely. Ruined the surprise. Made another banner.”

“I...well, yes, I see your point. Still. You should’ve told me.”

Ben scoffed and took a swig of his drink. “Yes, dear.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Leave a comment or twelve!
> 
> Also, check out this amazing art by tumblr user @starkickback:  
> http://saltyseaz.tumblr.com/post/153711946067/gift-for-saltyseaz-for-her-amazing-techienician


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